I'm so glad that I pushed Post on the Triathlon suggestion before I let myself think too hard about the implications of what I was suggesting, because oh holy hell, did the self-doubt kick in yesterday. Hard core.

Oh my god, this means a swimming suit in front of people at the Y. This means little kids staring at my thigh cellulite. This means actually lacing up athletic shoes and wearing socks and going into the room with my treadmill and staying in there for large blocks of time...sweating. This means a lot of things. Oh my god, did my mouth just write a check that my ass can't cash?

And then I tell myself, no, I can do this. I can. It's possible. It's a measurable goal. It will be ok. And then I started getting e-mails from you guys. Oh my god, my eyes got a little misty and my heart grew three sizes. I am not in this alone! It wasn't a few brave souls, we're a mofo Lazy Triathlon ARMY. Here's a glimpse at just some of the responses from the new Tryathletes!

Lynne: Sign me up for the 5-week plan! Woo hoo!

Saturday: I would like to join you in your quest to complete the Lazy Man Triathlon. I think this is a great motivator to get out and exercise, I even bought a new swimsuit for swimming laps!

Ladyloo: Please sign me up for the exercise.  (Now I must go hide and the corner and potentially regret what I've done...)

Steve: I'd like to come along for the ride, if I may?

Renee: I'm in! I've long wanted to do a triathlon, and once did a "gym" triathlon where I did it in the pool, on an exercise bike, and then the treadmill, but this is a cool way to do it. Perfect thing to shake those "end of summer" blues.

Sara: This is a great idea and just what I need to get motivated! I'm curious..how would you rank lifting weights? Same as yoga? What about time on an elliptical? (Mine doesn't track miles.) Looking forward to this...

Shana: I am in, and I am going to try to be a purist and do the prescribed run/bike/swim distances. But if it turns out I am still spastic in the pool, I may opt for double run. But maybe I am less spastic now? We'll see at lap swim next week!

Alli: I'm in! This event ironically ends 2 days before the date of an actual sprint distance triathlon that I was thinking about signing up for, but not sure where I'd find the motivation to train for. I guess this is it!

Laura: Count me in for the double run and bike option.

Alysha: Okay, I am IN! I don't have access to a pool (bummer), so I'll be doing double-run. I can count my bike commute toward it, right? :)

The short answer to Alysha and Sara's question is yes, absolutely. The long answer is: do whatever you want. If you want to switch out one activity for another one, there are two possibilities I can think of to do this: one would be to figure out how many calories/energy an hour of activity is and then look to see how many miles of running/biking/swimming that would amount to in calories/energy burned. Self has a very specific calorie calculator that looks at how fast you're running and your weight, etc., to figure out the calories. So if, say, you would typically run a 10-minute mile and weighed 160 lbs, then you'd burn about 760 calories running 6 miles, and if you played volleyball for an hour, it's also about 760 calories, so basically, that's like running 6 miles. The other option is just to say "Meh, it's about X miles." This is supposed to be fun! So if you love numbers and calculating stuff, go nuts, but if you are just looking to add a little incentive to your activity/fitness regime, then the honor system works too. Remember, this is certainly not the Presidential Fitness Test, we're doing this to have fun and get motivated to sneak in a little extra fitness. Go ahead and tap dance or garden or rollerskate or jazzercize, whatever makes you happiest.

Oh my God, am I really signing myself up for this? Am I really making myself accountable to the Internet and the world and everyone? Am I insane?

Yes.

This is the deal, chicas: a Lazy Man Triathlon. Basically, a Lazy Man Triathlon means that you do all of the activity required for a real triathlon, only you have a longer period of time in which to get it done--instead of doing all of this in a single day, we have 5 weeks to complete it all. The beauty of this is that we can all follow along in our various states and cities. You can track your progress (and watch mine) online via the magic of Google Shared Documents. We're borrowing the rules from a Chicago group, who gave me the idea.

• run/walk/elliptical/stairs 26.2 miles

• bike 112 miles

• swim 2.5 miles

Don't like to swim? You can do the double run option: run (etc.) 52.4 miles, bike 112 miles. Don't like to bike? There's the double swim option: swim 5 miles, run (etc.) 26.2 miles.

We talk a lot about the diet mentality, how it can mess with your noggin and change a very self-assured kind of girl into one that needs a room full of food groupies to applaud when they lose 5 pounds. But what about after? After all that weight is gone. After a person is struggling to keep it off, trying everything possible not to start sliding up the scale. How can you possibly have an eating disorder if the world keeps telling you how good you look? Check out Melissa's story, of how she went from a happy fit, fat girl, to losing weight through diet and exercise, and then trying to keep it off. Then she realized that somewhere along the way, she had whittled down her positive self-image and the dieting mentality had developed into an actual eating disorder.


A recent SELF survey polled 4,000 women ages 25-45 and discovered that more than 6 in 10 women are "disordered eaters." Out of curiosity, I took the survey online. Anything over a score of 22 was a red flag; I scored a 38. The survey identified six types of disordered eaters: calorie prisoners, secret eaters, career dieters, food addicts, purgers and over-exercisers. Some women fit into one category and others, like me, could easily be grouped into more than one. I was an over-exerciser, a food addict and a calorie prisoner. While I never used laxatives or made myself throw up--and I'm ashamed to admit this--I was semi-purging.

I maintained my goal weight for a year, until December 2005, when stress in my personal life seemed to dominate my thoughts. I'd gotten engaged in the fall, and between a brand new job, wedding planning, and dealing with challenging immigration issues to bring my now-husband here to the U.S. (he lived overseas at the time), I was a ball of stress. It was around that time that the "midnight incidents," as I now call them, began. I started waking in the middle of the night and making a beeline for the kitchen, not fully aware of what I was doing.

We all remember that moment when we heard a giant "Aha!" in our heads, the moment when we realized how ridiculous it is that society insists that there is only one specific type of beauty and it applies to about 4 percent of the women on the planet. Maybe it was when you were looking at your grandmother and realizing that the wrinkles around her eyes were perfect, like little spotlights for her gorgeous hazel peepers. Maybe it was when you saw an astoundingly gorgeous woman and only a few minutes later, you realized, hey, she's actually a size 12 and probably feels badly about the size of her hips. Or maybe it was when you just decided that you're not going to try to mold your awesome body into some random measurement, just to please some fashion designers who don't even know who you are.

Kendall, an adorable blonde blogger (who, from her pictures, looks pretty much like the object of someone else's body envy, although she'd probably disagree), recently had such a moment.

One of the magazines we get in the office is "Figure" magazine, a magazine for plus sized women. I always avoided it like the plague (I don't want anyone to think I'm plus sized) but finally caved and read it because it was the only magazine I hadn't read yet. I loved it.

The pictures in this magazine were gorgeous! The women in the pictures were incredibly beautiful, and I found myself feeling an appropriate amount of jealousy towards these models. I might even go so far as to say I was (am) more jealous of them than their sickly thin counterparts. It was shocking to me to realize that larger women can be just as beautiful as the models every teenage girl wants to be. And I realize that it is ridiculous how long it has taken me to get here. I have always thought that skinnier is better, and I even went through a phase where I didn't eat so I could be skinny. I've struggled for a long time with wanting to lose these last 10 pounds so I can feel good. And I don't need to.

Sometimes I read about the lengths that Hollywood stars go through to chase their vanity (or the public's approval) and just have to shake my head. For instance, Jennifer Aniston just dropped three Benjamins on a spa treatment to reduce cellulite for a few hours. Although really, who can blame her for wanting to avoid being the poster girl for skinny but cellulite.

Why does cellulite have such an emotional reaction?

There's no doubt that the world is not one size fits all. Overweight people are treated totally differently, in little, subtle ways (like comments made from friends or airline seats that are too wee) and in colossally huge sucky ways (like not being paid as much as coworkers or being denied adoption because of BMI). Now one person is looking to collect those experiences in one place so that they can be shared. She says it best here:

Often, as people of size, we are shamed into silence. We are berated, misjudged and de-sexualized. We are told, myriad times daily, that we are unworthy of love--from others and ourselves. We are marketed to, medicalized, marginalized; denied health care, jobs and basic conveniences. For the 'sake of our health,' we are lovingly (and not) chastised by friends and family. Somewhere in there, fat folks can tend to lose touch with ourselves, and with each other. I believe that conversations, that stories, can change our lives. I believe that self-love is the first step toward the true ability to love others. I believe that by sharing your stories, you can inspire, connect with and encourage others toward happiness.

Basically, it's one big site dedicated to "One from the Vault"-style stories and interviews. Love it! Go now. Read. Share. Love.

Image via Etsy

Need a last-minute gift for your pop-pop or the father of your own kids? Here's a down and dirty list of awesome handmade creations from Etsy to save the day and recognize that special Dad in your life.

• Cuff links are a traditional Father's Day present, but go the extra mile with this homage to Father Time. 
  
  
• Or maybe these custom-printed silver cuff links with a family joke will make him smile during boring business meetings.
  
  
• Does he love beer? Suds him up with some Guinness soap.
  
  
• Remind the world that no, he's not too short to be a Storm Trooper.
  
  
• This steel patio grill will ignite his inner pyromaniac.

photo via Urban Outfitters

I know that I rant about the rampant sexism in our culture a lot, but if given a choice, I'd gladly take my situation over that of other women around the globe. Between the female genital mutilation, bride kidnapping (basically, marriage by abduction), lack of reproductive rights or education, and general misery, I'd much rather fight the patriarchy with all of the rights I already take for granted, thank you very much. And check out how bad it is in Myanmar (aka Burma):

Frequently widowed or separated from their families at an early age, women are forced to work as porters and unpaid labourers for local SPDC military troops and are often raped by soldiers. Ethnic women in areas where armed conflict with the junta is ongoing face constant threats of attack, rape, torture, slavery, and murder by SPDC soldiers. In addition, while male members of the community are taken as porters, serve as soldiers, or are killed, women are often left alone to raise their children. Even after fleeing to a neighboring country for protection, female refugees and children are the most vulnerable in threats to their security.

What can we do about it? Well, surprisingly, you can help them out by cleaning out your underwear drawer.

Last week, I got the chance to chat with Abby Lentz, the mastermind behind HeavyWeight Yoga, and found her to be even more delightful in person than her very professional yoga teacher persona on the DVD. This is the kind of lady you'd love to meet for lunch, but after you were done with your hummus pitas and green tea, you'd realize that three hours had passed and the cafe workers are sending daggers at you. Y'all already know how I feel about not hating on yourself for the size of your thighs, but Abby takes it even a step further. 

"Wherever you are with your body, you can do yoga. If you have any range of movement, you can do yoga if you can do it with deliberation."

This is something that Abby not only teaches but she has learned from experience. When she originally decided to become a yoga teacher, she planned to start setting aside money and also getting her body in shape to get her certification. However, the perfect situation fell into her lap and she had to decide to either take advantage of what seemed to be fate, despite the fact that she was outweighed other yoga instructors by at least 50 pounds, or let it pass by until she got her ducks in a row. She decided to take the leap with the body she had at the moment, and has not regretted a day.

"My goal, outside of bringing people of size to the mat, is a message not to put your life on hold while you lose weight or get to a certain size," Abby stated.

Whoops, you've got less than 48 hours to figure out what you're going to give to your mom and other nurturing females in your life. Do you have a game plan? Or are you going to be staring down a brunch table at your lovely mother's expectant face, knowing that your Whitman's sampler just isn't going to cut it? Here are five easy and fun suggestions of Mother's Day gifts that don't involve collectible knicknacks or bottles of smelly lotion and I guarantee, it's going to totally show up your annoying sister-in-law with her painfully perfect Martha Stewart crafts and snoozer spa gift card.

• Take your mom golfing! No doubt the fresh air and exercise are great for both of you, but with no distractions, you'll be spending quality time with her while you show off your short game. Don't know how to golf? You can both learn together.

• Go on a road trip. Pick a point, any point on the map within 200 miles of your back door, pack some snacks, compile a playlist on your iPod, and hit the road together. Stop at the silly tourist locations that you always blow past, eat at Mom and Pop diners, and explore destinations that are less than a gas tank away.

• Check into a dream job together. Has she always wanted to be a fashion designer? A wine sommelier? A voiceover artist? Have an insider vacation and learn the biz. One of you might discover a second calling!

• Schedule a movie night once a month and make your way through the AFI 100 Greatest American Movies list. This is ideal if your mom can't resist bugging you about making babies or why you didn't marry a doctor, because you can both sit together on the sofa, munching popcorn in your comfy pants and you don't have to say a word.

• Start a genealogy project together. Map out your known relatives using something as simple as a spreadsheet or a software package like Family Tree Maker and then go from there via the Internet. You never know: you might find out that you're closely related to someone like Alanis Morrissette or Katherine of Aragon, like I did, and Mom might just get over her fear of the Internet.