Not to quote Jewel or anything, but "If I could tell the world just one thing, it would be that we're all okay." I was out with a friend earlier this week when she said, "I feel like I'm too fat to be loved." I shook her fervently (in the emotional sense, not the physical sense) and reminded her that no one is too anything to be loved. No one is too fat, bald, short, acne-prone, skinny, or whatever to be loved. Look, I think it's time we all got together and had a great big group hug, held hands and sang the Barney song, because my friend is not the first person to feel that way, and those sorts of feelings are just totally not cool.

Further proof that my friend is not the first to associate her worthiness of romantic love to her body is that one of the most popular posts on Shine this week was a woman asking if men expect women to have perfect bodies? Look, I would first like an official definition of "perfect body" so I know what I'm up against here. Until one exists though, I'm going to assume she means the Hollywood standard. My feelings on men and bodies are as follows:

A new law in South Dakota takes effect Friday. This law will require doctors to explain, upon abortion consultations and procedures, that the patient is "terminat[ing] the life of a whole, separate, unique, living human being."  Do lawmakers think that women are so blasé about abortion that they need reproductive Miranda rights read to them?  Regardless of how you feel about abortion, it's a hard decision for anyone who has to make it.  

Reproductive rights are a huge issue right now. There are two Supreme Court justices looking to retire and two presidential candidates of different stances on Roe v. Wade ready to find replacements for them. Teen pregnancy rates are up. Abstinence-only education is being taught in school. We are certainly at a crossroads.

I swore off dating a couple of weeks ago, but there have since been a few more dates in my life. It's a hard habit to break, what can I say? One thing I can say for sure is that dates tend to fall back on clichés: coffee, drinks, dinner. It's all the same, and it's always food related. I love eating, but bonding over comer y bever can become mighty boring, and mighty fattening. Isn't the relationship weight supposed to happen once there's actually a relationship? In order to maintain my sanity and my current pant-size, I'm working on a list of non-ingestible bonding activities. Not interested in finding a canoodling partner, already have one, or looking for some fun time activities with your friends? That's cool, these can still be G-rated times for the whole family.

You know that quote by Ben Franklin: "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise"? It sounds nice, doesn't it? Ben Franklin also said: "Time is Money." Ben, you're sending me mixed messages here, buddy. Time is money, and I need more sleep, but time is money and I've got a lot of things to do. You do too? We should be naptime friends. I'm going to give you a bunch or reasons why sleep is more important than we think it is, and you're going to go get some. Okay? Cool.

Nappy makes happy: Sleep deprivation can lead to depression, which can lead to sleep deprivation. It's one of those big ol' circles of life. Try checking your bed if you think you're in need of checking your head (of course this is not a suggestion to forego treatment of depression), it may lead to happier times.

I don't have kids but I often read Babble just because of the razor sharp writing and commentary, and today when I read Jeanne's post, I drew a sharp intake of breath. What you have here is an unflinching view of how a mom's own mental damage can affect a child's body image. Jeanne worries about the subtle ways she might be influencing her daughter. From Babble:

One day in March, when I was overwhelmed by the loss of my grandmother, Jillian caught me throwing up. I never meant her to see me like that. She burst into the bathroom without knocking and found me on the floor in front of "the potty." She ran to wrap her arms around my neck. Her voice was full of concern as she repeated the words she's heard so many times from me: "It's okay. I'm sorry you don't feel good," and she patted my back with her little hands. I wanted the floor to swallow me whole. I didn't deserve her.

A week later, I heard her leaning over the toilet bowl coughing, and I could tell the cough was fake. I could hear her giggling while she told my husband, "I'm sick, Daddy. Have to throw up, Daddy."

I sank against the door in the next room. What have I done?

As we all know, it's usually a mindless comment or passing expression that forms some of our most powerful perceptions. It's so messed up: parents can be 99.99% perfect, but then a badly-timed comment and blammo, little McKenzie or Stella is penning an entry for The Vault 20 years from now.

Across this great land of ours, women are getting a vastly different experience depending on where they call home, but Self magazine has ranked 100 cities across the U.S.A. to determine which city was the best place to be a girl. Hands down, the lucky ladies in San Francisco, CA, are the healthiest overall, with the lowest incidence of obesity or diabetes of any other city surveyed, plus the most OB/GYNs per capita and the best dental health opportunities. San Francisco also was runner-up as having the fittest population and the healthiest eaters (gee, think those go hand in hand)? The city also received high marks for having one of the best environments in the nation. It really is better by the Bay!

The five healthiest cities for women, overall, according to Self's ranking:

A former accountant for the Rachael Ray show is suing for one meeeeellion dollars, stating that he was fired after complaining to supervisors that he was suffering from discrimination and a hostile working environment. According to NBC, the offensive comments included "Anorexics are sick in the head" and "Anorexics should not be able to work." Aaron Ferguson reportedly explained to his supervisor and the management that he was suffering from anorexia but the comments did not stop and eventually, he was fired.

There's nothing worse than hearing an impossibly perfect woman bemoan the fact that they have chubby thighs or a large ass. We roll our eyes and think, "Listen, sister, you got nothing on my cellulite. I don't think you're ready for THIS jelly." And while sometimes we may suspect that they are just doing it for attention, they tragically might have a distorted body image. Awhile back, regular commenter Toledolefty took umbrage when I lauded Sarah Silverman's learning to appreciate her thighs with the help of Jimmy Kimmel. She wrote in the comments:

Sometimes, Elastic Waist, you make me a little crazy with these articles about skinny women who are learning to live with their imperfections. Does Condé Nast require you to slip in a "love yourself, but remember there's still something wrong with you" article in there once in a while? The way they occasionally have a 6' tall size 10 model in one of their magazines and describe how they hid her figure flaws? Asking this in the most loving way possible, because I am a huge fan of the blog in general.

I replied to her comment via e-mail (which I do more often than you might think...I live and breathe your comments, chicas) and I don't think Jen will mind if I share my reply with you. I said, in part:

While I totally identify as a fat girl, and I think a lot of Elastic Waist's readers probably do too, the site also aims to not alienate non-fat readers because really, the point is that everyone, regardless of actual weight, is at a disadvantage because we're told we're not good enough, not pretty enough, only valuable for how we look, etc. I mean, if Sarah Silverman really believes that she has fat thighs, honestly BELIEVES it, then that? Is so messed up. And also, I'm so over this us versus them mentality, so it didn't really even occur to me that Sarah Silverman is considered a skinny woman or that the post would be at odds with the way some of us feel disenfranchised by Hollywood's beauty ideal. We're not skinny women and fat women. We're women. If we buy into the separatism, that's just as bad as them buying into it. Which is why I'm kind of glad that EW isn't an exclusive club that requires you to be a certain BMI (under or over a certain point) to get in.

Some of my coworkers and family think I'm tremendously spoiled. I carefully plot out my vacation so that I can take many little extended weekend jaunts to places near and far throughout the year rather than blow it all on two weeks in just one place, which is tres boring. Granted, it means that I waste a lot of time jammed into a coach seat, but it also means that I can assuage my ADD and fulfill my delusion that I'm an international jetsetter. My dedication to decadence may have just paid off: you see, a recent study found that "women who took a vacation once every six years or less were almost eight times more likely to develop heart disease or have a heart attack than those who took at least two vacations a year." Booyah! Finally a scientific study that doesn't make me depressed or feel like the Fail Whale. I win!

Bluh, it's another Monday morning, but also a holiday week (for those of us in the U.S.). Half of your coworkers are probably on vacation, making the office seem like a ghost town. You'll have fewer distractions this week, so you should be able to get caught up in no time and then sit around twiddling your thumbs (or surfing the Internet)...or you can take a moment to assess your workspace!

Most of us don't get the luxury of selecting our physical workspace. We get stuck in nubby grey cubicles next to annoying coworkers whose cellphones go off constantly and you are stuck listening to their oh-so-clever ringtones. You might be a thousand yards away from the bathroom, stuck next to the copy machine and completely without even a tiny glimpse of the outdoors, but there are ways to make your office space suck not quite so much, which in the long run, will help you alleviate some of that dreadful "Oh noes, I have to go back to work tomorrow" feeling on Sunday night.

• Picture your bliss. You can't take inspiration from Peter Gibbons and remove your cubicle walls, but you can make your visual space more meaningful. Display a symbol of the you that exists outside of those four walls. For instance, clipped to the side of my desk, I have the pocket fold up map from The Bathhouse Spa, with notations on it for the plunge pools, the eucalyptus steam rooms and the rain wall. When I'm having a bad moment, it immediately reminds me of times when I've been absolutely 100 percent relaxed. And naked. But it's so tiny and out of the way that I'll bet my coworkers don't even notice it.
  
  
• Test the air. Ever heard of "sick building syndrome"? Yeah, I'm pretty sure my office has it. There's even something called Monday Morning Syndrome, which is when the office has been closed up all weekend, making the air super awful when folks come in, just thinking they have a case of the Mondays. What can you do about it, other than wearing a surgical mask to work and earning the nickname "Michael Jackson"? Ask the building manager when the air ducts were last cleaned and report any leaks in ceilings, floors or around windows--all are major contributors to the dreaded mold that exacerbates allergies and asthma and can make you sick as a dog. Also, where is the photocopier? Ideally, this should be in a separate room with external ventillation so that you're not breathing in all of those electrostatically-charged toner particles. If not, make some noise to someone who can do something about it (probably not your boss or her boss, but rather the office manager or maintenance guy). If your hands are tied, you can also invest in a small ionizer to plug in at your desk. The rest of your office may be choking on fumes, but you'll maintain a small bubble of fresh air.
  
  
• Take a walk. As busy as you are, you are guaranteed two 15-minute breaks every day. Push yourself away from the desk and take a little walk. If the weather is grand, take a quick walk around the building, or when it's gross outside, make good use of the cubicle labyrinth and meander through the aisles. Not only will it give you a brief mental break, but you'll sneak in a little fitness too.
  
  
• Cut the glare. Do your office lights make you feel like you're being interrogated with their intense glare? Request some glare-reducing sleeves or full-spectrum light bulbs from the office supply catalog and not only will you feel better at work, you won't squint as much, thereby reducing wrinkles! Bonus! While you're at it, get a glare-reducing screen protector for your monitor too.
  
  
• Avoid the "free" food. The office can really kill your diet, from the free food for the taking on file cabinets to the chips and cookies during meetings. Nothing's free, and if you load up on sugar and empty calories, you're not only going to hit a huge sugar slump around 2 p.m., but you're also filling up on empty junk food and denying yourself an opportunity to eat foods with vitamins and important nutrients. And we won't even speak of the excess sodium, fat and calories in that stuff. Start a healthy food revolution: offer to buy the snacks at the next meeting and bring in a bunch of cut fruit and veggies, dip and salted nuts. Circulate a petition requesting that the vending machine supplier devote 40 percent of the space in the machines to healthier fare. And help yourself resist the temptation of the receptionist's jelly bean jar by stowing a bunch of yummy sweet and salty snacks that won't make you regret coming to work.