My love of exercise videos goes far beyond my need for meaningless approval from people who can't see me: it comes from convenience and my love of adequate air conditioning. New York was under a heat advisory this weekend, and while my gym tried it's hardest to stay tolerably cool, it achieved slightly-cooler-than-a-sauna status. Since braving the treadmill was not a mistake I was about to make twice, I did the next best thing to sitting around my apartment in my underwear eating sorbet and watching Bobby Flay. I did an exercise video. 

Although I have a very strong love for the girls of The Firm, I was in the mood to broaden my horizons. My very favoritest exercise video in creation and the one that goes on every vacation and business trip with me is Crunch: Fat Burning Pilates. Since I was all about trying something new, I logged onto Netflix (otherwise known as my boyfriend), and searching through their Watch it Now exercise video collection, found a video that was like the cooler big sister to my already favoritest video: Crunch: Burn and Firm Pilates.

What makes Burn and Firm extra challenging is it's use of hand weights. Otherwise, the two workouts are relatively similar. Something to consider when scouring the exercise shelves of your local video store (do people even have local video stores anymore?). Some other things you should know:

I had a moment this past weekend at the gym--an embarrassing moment. There I was minding my own business, working on my triceps, when I heard moaning. This was not run-of-the-mill gym groaning; this was late-night, Cinemax, dirty movie moaning. I obviously did what any normal person would do: I looked for the guy getting off in the weight room. There he was in the corner, not pleasuring himself as I would have assumed, but doing bicep curls. And then it happened. I started laughing. This was not a smirk and a little giggle, this was out loud, nonstop, people staring, can't-finish-my-tricep-pull-down laughing, and I just couldn't stop. It took me a while to recover, especially because with each continued rep this man made sweet love to his biceps, and my inner eighth-grader could not be quieted.

Since I'm perpetually embarrassing myself, the process of it is getting easier, especially the little things. Five embarrassing gym moments that are no sweat:

I remember the last time I had fun while engaged in exercise (other than dancing or sex): I was playing some guerrilla volleyball with friends on a Saturday morning, stealing time in a pro sandpit. We all woke up early on a Saturday and played until we all realized that we were starving because we had played through lunch and it was almost 3 p.m. I don't usually sweat, but that day, not only were my armpits drenched, but I also had a line down my back from my soaking wet hair and very attractive half-moons under my boobs. We all collapsed at the sports bar next door and had celebratory cheeseburgers and then sucked down frozen strawberry margaritas, knowing that we were giving ourselves brain freezes but not caring because the cool sweetness was just too wonderful to stop. That was a good day. That was a very good day.

I stopped playing volleyball when I blew out my knee, but it's time to get reacquainted with that girl. I know that I'm a bit afraid of fitness, but Kim and Abby inspire me to pick up a sweet pair of walking/running shoes and get back to the point where I'm doing things with my body for the sheer rush of endorphins and the fact that I'm exercising is just a happy coincidence. I'm thinking about getting Wii Fit and also, revisiting my kicky iPod playlists but I still need your help. What are your tricks and tips for making exercise fun? What activities are you doing that just happen to be good for your muscles but are mostly just awesome? What do you do to distract yourself from the fact that you're sweating and would much rather be sitting on the couch, watching Grey's Anatomy? Help me, Elastic Waisters, you're my only hope!

I feel no shame in admitting that I am completely and utterly addicted to exercise videos. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I get my butt to the gym. I've put in my time, I've done my derrière boosting duty, but sometimes? I just can't do it. The reasons for my negligence varies: I'm bloated, I'm tired, I'm rushed for time, I have no clean sports bras, I've put it off so long that leaving my apartment seems about as appealing as bathing angry cats for a living. These are the moments that exercise videos become my best friends. They're short yet challenging, interactive yet totally private, and sometimes surprisingly motivating. In the sense that everything is a microcosm of the world (how's that for meta?), exercise videos have some surprisingly good life-lessons attached to them. Okay, yeah, this is a stretch, but go with me here, a little positive self-talk never hurt anyone:

• Try the modified version. It really is okay to take the easy way once and a while.

• Sometimes you have to do the same thing over and over again to get the result you were looking for. Einstein said that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. I don't agree, I think it's the definition of practice.  

• I'm stronger than I think I am. Hard ain't impossible. Just because something looks intimidating doesn't mean I can't handle it, but I can't if I don't give it a shot.

I'll admit here, for the first time publicly, I am petrified of the weight room. Want me to run? Sure. Climb Stairs? You got it. Spin Class? I'll be there. Free weights? Sorry, I don't feel well.
 
I know that strength training is imperative for bone health, weight management, stamina and bootylicious jeans, but I just have this mental block when it comes to setting foot in that room. If hell exists and it's the place in life that you feel most uncomfortable, my hell would be the weight room with its intimidating barren walls, rubber floor, weight disks bigger than tires and those beefy men with leather belts and cut off sweatpants.
 
Am I going to allow an odiferous room of grunting sweating men with out-dated gym equipment keep me from stronger bones and a perkier butt? No. I am not. Because I have a secret weapon. What is this weapon you say? Being totally, utterly delusional, would be my answer. Yup. I'm a total headcase.

Image via Nintendo.com

I kind of love scientific experiments in closely monitored, carefully guarded environments, because I'm seriously an armchair psychologist, but I also find that real life trials are just as important. After all, we're not living in a hermetically sealed bubble (unless you are, and if so, um...hello!).

It so happens that this gentleman did an experiment, using his Wii Fit like a piece of gym equipment each night and has lost 15 pounds in 41 days. He promises that he didn't otherwise change his lifestyle whatsoever, as he wanted to truly monitor how much effect the addition of the Wii Fit would have on his weight and overall fitness. As it happens, he also did a similar experiment using Wii Sports a few years ago and in the same time period, presumably under the same conditions, lost 9 pounds. All of which makes me even that much more interested in getting one of these little doohickeys in our house.

As long as it doesn't repeatedly call me "fatso," we'll be fine.

I haven't been having a lot of success in my quest to become Push-Up Queen 2008. A few days into my attempts, I noticed that my wrist was aching and also, I'm a big wimp. However, I'm back in the game. Right now, I'm back down to my starting point, which is seven in a row before I collapse into a panting, shaking heap, and that number seems like not a lot of push-ups, but I want to point out to you that I have an enormous rack. And also am a big wimp.

I've found a new common-sense training plan with the aim of reaching the amazing state of 100 consecutive push-ups. Can you imagine the whosit-whatsit muscles I'll have developed at that point? Like, would I even need a bra or would my amazing pecs be able to support my titular assets fully? And will my meaty grandma upper arms be replaced with glorious Jillian Michaels-esque pipes? Will I be going to the gun show? Woot! Watch out, chicas, because my goal is to become the first fat girl with enough muscles to justify her own action figure. Who's with me?! Together, we can dominate the WORLD with our upper-body strength!

In the comments, we want to know: How many push-ups can you do in a row?

You already know that I'm a weirdly bendable girl but my size (and more specifically, my chest) means that some yoga moves are difficult or impossible to achieve. Considering yoga is all about using the limits of your body to improve itself, a girl weighing 100 pounds will have a lot easier time lifting her leg than a girl who weighs 150, 200 or 300 pounds, just by the very nature of gravity. And while I can usually keep up with the gym bunnies on your average yoga DVD or show on FitTV, it's not what I'd call a pleasant experience and by the end of the half hour, I'm thinking hateful thoughts. And we won't even discuss what happens when I try to do plow pose. Not peaceful! Not zen! Full of Fail, is what that is.

I already knew what was out there on Fit TV and I've tried the middle of the road version, so I figured I'd check out the other end of the spectrum: Abby Lentz's DVD Heavyweight Yoga. I will be honest with you: the title? Bugged. I do not want to be considered a heavyweight anything. Despite the fact that I weigh more than some NFL players, I prefer to think of myself like a graceful fairy. But still, I gave it a shot, because just look at those faces over there on that picture. Don't they make you happy and fill you with happy thoughts about the boundaries of your skin?

I recently had the lovely opportunity to chat with Abby Lentz, the guru behind the Heavyweight Yoga DVD, a kinder, gentler introduction to yoga for folks who may have limited flexibility, mobility or have more weight on their limbs than the average yoga bunny. Since I spend a good portion of my day sitting at my desk on a conference call, I asked her if she had some ideas for some yoga poses that I could do with none of my coworkers being the wiser. Abby, of course, delivered such a comprehensive list that I wanted to share it with you all!

To the surprise of many, yoga can be done just about anywhere, by anyone of any size and mobility. While it's wonderful to have a traditional yoga practice on the mat, it's also beneficial to sprinkle yoga off the mat throughout your day. Since we spend so much time at work here are some ways to practice yoga in the office.

AT YOUR DESK:

Deep Belly Breathing: This three-part breath starts by softening the diaphragm, breathing deeply while sending the breath down to the belly, then out to the rib cage and up to the collarbone. The exhale releases from top, middle to bottom. Deep Belly Breathing will expand your lung capacity and improve your cardiovascular exchange as well as revitalize your cells and systems.

Neck Rolls: These are great to do if you feel a headache coming on! Seated tall, with your back away from the back of the chair, ground yourself with both feet to the floor. Hold each position for several breaths.

• Drop your chin to chest to stretch the back of the neck
• Roll right ear to right shoulder, bring your left arm out, turn palm up turning it down and around to get a gentle twist of your arm from fingertips to shoulder, keep your shoulders soft and down
• Bring your hand back to your leg, roll your chin back to the chest
• Repeat other side
• Roll chin back to your chest
• Inhale your head up to center or go into Neck Twists

Neck Twist: This is like drawing a big smile on your chest if you had a crayon on your chin. It's a gentle pivoting of the face from side to side.

• Drop your chin to chest
• Bring chin towards right shoulder
• Roll back down to center and move towards left shoulder
• This movement should create a squeeze at the base of the neck in the back where the shoulder and neck muscles meet
• Repeat several times, each upsweep going a little higher to improve your range of mobility
• Bring your chin back to the chest and lift your head up
• Interlace your fingertips, placing your hands behind your head to support the weight of the head, lift your chin to the ceiling to stretch out your throat for several breaths
• Exhale and release

We're all familiar with that sense of failure that accompanies going a few days, weeks, or, hell, months without hitting the treadmill. You ask yourself, "Why do I suck so much? Why can't I do this? All I have to go is get myself to the gym, and POOF! I'll be in shape." It's as if there's a golden halo surrounding the gym, as if it holds the key to unlock all of the peer envy, gorgeous men, high salaries, and all sorts of potential future happiness we're due. That's an awful lot of pressure to put on your local YMCA, not to mention yourself. It's time to dim the gym glow and realize that it's actually just another unpalatable task out of a long line of annoying errands we procrastinate doing instead of just sucking it up and getting the job done. We postpone going to the gym for the same reasons we put off anything else:

• It's hard and it's not that much fun. And we'd rather grab mojitos with a friend, or curl up in front of a movie, or essentially do anything else than go ALL THE WAY to the gym just to wait in line for the elliptical machine with the little TV.

• Fear of failure. What If I go and I figuratively work my ass off without actually working my ass? If I don't go then I won't have to wonder why the scale is stuck on the same number.  I'll know why!

Here are five anti-procrastination tips to get you over that "I'll go tomorrow" hump: