Once upon a time in Vegas (which is the start to all great stories), I went to a topless revue where the dancers were all vampires. That's right, vampire strippers. How could you pass up such an opportunity? I could not. I don't know what I expected from the vampire stripper show: they really tried to be classy and goth and there was a convoluted storyline involving the Head Vampire and a planted cast member from the audience. There was even a ballet number at one point (because vampire strippers need to prove that they are classier than your average stripper) but when the real action started, I was surprised to hear that she was dancing to ZZ Top's "Legs" and then another vampire danced to Warrant's "Cherry Pie."

"Wow," I said to my companion, "Who'da thought that undead strippers were into classic rock just like regular strippers?"

I don't know what I expected...maybe Rob Zombie and Marilyn Manson, all sexified and with some nipple play? I mean, come on, if ever a time called for Nine Inch Nails' "Closer," it is when there's a naked vampire in the room. Am I right? But then I realized that they were probably using the same songs that they always have used, from back before they became bloodsucking demons. Or maybe they just used those songs because, you know, the songs worked.

I don't know, but when Anne suggested that I concoct a playlist to use when stripping for your lover (or just for fun), a million sexy songs popped into my head and I knew it was going to be hard (that's what she said) to pare it down to a manageable list. But I knew one thing for certain: There would be no classic rock. Not on my watch, buddy.

Sexy up your plaything this weekend. Here are some songs to inspire or give you courage. You don't even need choreography, just start playing your favorite of these songs when you take off your clothes tonight and watch your ass start to wiggle as if through its own volition.