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 I have this paranoia when people offer me a seat in the subway that it's because they assume I'm pregnant. Maybe I'm just callused, but I don't see any reason why a complete stranger would stand up and give me their seat unless they thought I was someone that really needed to sit down, and let's face it--I'm a young, able-bodied woman, I can stand. There is one moment that sticks out in my mind. I had recently found out a boyfriend of many years had cheated on me, I'd already gained a bunch of relationship weight over the course of our time together, but now I was depressed and lethargic and wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and die, but not before inhaling an order of sesame chicken, a quart of wonton soup, three bottles of Snapple and 376 fortune cookies. In other words, I put on a few. I was leaving work and on the train, it was rush hour and people are generally obnoxious and sweaty and angry at the world and this woman looked at me, stood up and told me I should take her seat. I did. I had assumed that she was getting off at the next stop, but as five, six, seven stops passed I realized she had quite the ride ahead of her. Now it's totally possible that this woman just wanted to stand, but I started freaking out. I broke out into a cold sweat, and get this; I tried to hide the fact that I wasn't pregnant. I put my bag over my stomach. I didn't want this woman to realize she'd given her seat, not to a woman bringing new life into the world, but a woman bringing a new pizza home. You know how addicts have a rock bottom? This was my rock bottom. It could just be that this woman was just a nice woman who wanted to stand. But, to me, I was already so insecure and so out of place in my own skin that all I could do was internalize this action and twist it and turn and make it ugly and degrading, when in reality it was just a sweet gesture by a stranger. I never want to feel that way again, and there were obviously outside sources helping to decimate my self worth at that particular moment in my life, but that's when I drew the line and stopped hating my body. I had a lot of dead weight to lose, starting with the boyfriend. After that, the rest of the weight came off naturally, once I remembered that I'm pretty friggin amazing and deserve to be treated with respect, not only by men, not only by strangers on the subway, but by myself. Now when people me offer me a seat on the subway it's usually young men, and I just smile and say, "No thank you, I can stand." 7 CommentsLeave a comment |
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I totally get what you mean, Kim, but she also may have just seen that you looked tired and like you'd had a hard day. I often offer people my seat on the train if they just look like they could use it more. I hope I never unintentionally made someone feel bad!
As usual, your words hit home. This has happened to me more times than I count, where a stranger has offered me a seat and I attribute it to my disgusting, fat self. Unfortunately, instead of having an epiphany, I go home and eat some more to make myself feel better. How empowering to hear about how your story turned out though. I've got lots of thinking to do...
"I have this paranoia when people offer me a seat in the subway that it's because they assume I'm pregnant."
This happened to me this morning! I'm sure he was just being polite--we were both standing about the same distance from the empty seat that someone had just vacated--but still, I worried.
What a sad state of society when a simple act of altruism can be so misconstrued. Either take the seat, or don't, but be gracious either way and don't read anything else into it :)
This happens to me quite often on the subway. Especially in the winter when I am wearing a coat and my bag slung cross my chest which gives me a bit of a pooch. Sometimes I accept the offer, most of the time I decline. It is possible that I just look tired and people are being nice.
On the flip side of the coin, when one is in the throes of morning sickness, there are plenty of people who will not deign to give up their seats.
Also, I'm one of those people who have a potbelly at some of my lowest weights (15 years ago or more).
Women used to be able to have a small bump around their waistline without everyone thinking that they are pregnant.
Many men will offer you a seat just because you are a woman and their values dictate that a gentleman offers a lady a seat. It doesn't necessarily mean they are pregnant.
I took the bus home obviously pregnant, many times, in maternity dresses, slim except for the belly and edema in my calves, and stood in misery on my split and swollen feet while young healthy men in suits sat blissfully the whole ride. To the occasional man or woman who offered me a seat, I still say, THANK YOU. Don't be discouraged about offering a seat to anyone.