"...am bam, you buy a car." I LOVE that. It is the perfect description of commercial-love.

I definitely got over the bad boy thing. when I looked at what I wanted: a house, a job, kids, someone who helps me make it through life-- that's when I realized the bad boy thing had to go. I found my husband 15 years ago, and he is a nice guy and ( to quote buffy ) a stevedore in the sack too. I'm a lucky, lucky woman. Here's to you finding your good guy!

For me, I still lust over the bad boys. But the key to ruining all thoughts of relationship was getting to know them and finding out they're assholes. They may still be attractive on the outside, but their hearts/minds weren't attractive anymore. I'm with a man I love, and the thing that keeps me going are the small "bad boy" touches of his personality: how animalistic he can get in bed, his tattoos, the way he teases me sometimes. But he has the BIGGEST heart I've ever met and wouldn't hurt a fly and is always so excited when he sees that it's a call from his mother. It's the perfect balance for me.

I had a bit of an epiphany while I was talking to a guy friend of mine a couple of years ago. We were talking about "nice guys" and "nice girls" and "bad boys" and "bad girls" and the merits of each and such and such. At one point this friend said something accidentally very profound, he basically said that of COURSE no one wants a "nice guy" because when you really look at the description of said nice guy he is a bloody doormat. No one wants to date a doormat. At the same time, bad boys are no good because they just make you feel like crap, and really, who needs that? We are all way too good at doing that on our own. What we really need is to look for a GOOD guy, a guy who has his own thing going on, who will stand up for himself and not let himself be taken advantage of, but at the same time is able to look around and see the world how it is and really care for someone else and build a partnership without losing himself while expecting you to do the same. All of this applies to girls as well, obviously.

So, yeah, I've started looking for a good guy. Unfortunately, they're kind of hard to find and a lot of them are already snapped up.

I always used to go for guys who were tortured souls. It would be wild, passionate, and incredibly hot for about 6 weeks, kind of fizzle, and then good-bye. I recognized it was the adrenaline, but I liked it! I was in a groove of date for a few weeks and kick 'em to the curb. I was drawn to darkness and smoldering intensity, not so much stereotype bad boys.

Eventually, I started going out with someone who was hilarious, confident, an awesome cook and musician, and really smart... and for a while I was like "This is bullshit! It can't go on like this! Something bad has to happen. He's going to cheat on me. I can't take the pressure of being perfect and wonderful all the time!" So I nitpicked and couldn't find anything substantial. I did the next natural thing; I said I was going to break up with him. For no good reason. I don't even remember what I said. (...Because that's oh-so-rational...) But instead of pleading, begging, and making a huge dramatic scene, he sat me down on a bench outside, gave me a hug, and said he would love to keep dating me, he'd be very sad and sorry to see the back of me, but he wasn't going to force me to do anything I didn't want to do.

That was my "Oh." moment. It was liberating because instead of having to rely on the adrenaline to make this relationship fly, he was giving me the freedom to do what I needed to do for myself to make myself happy. The adrenaline is all well and good, but you can't build anything big on a chemical that overlaps into the fear response. Do I miss the rush of something new and unknown? Yeah, a bit. But I get that same elation from fencing and not killing myself while snowboarding. :) It is a change, and it kind of creeps up on you from behind.

I too have a thing for bad boys, and the way that I harness it is this: I go for guys who are unpredictable, spontaneous, adventurous, self-confident and independent, but not harmful, destructive, possessive, or abusive. I learned this the hard way...The good news is I've been with a guy for eight years and I still think of him as a bad boy...I never know what to expect but I know it's not going to be hurtful!

The phase definitely passes. It's all about timing. For awhile, all I dated were drug-addict party dudes who weren't over their last girlfriend/ crush. I didn't seek these people out - they literally sought me out. Something in me wasn't ready to move past that. My most recent ex definitely had a wild side (musician) but he was also an incredibly nice guy. Now my biggest crush is on one of my guy friends who I wouldn't have looked twice at three years ago. It changes when you realize that you like certain things in relationships and dislike others.

Well, I know for me, my bad-boy phase has yet to pass. It may have stopped for like 2 years and is back in full swing, of course it doesn't help that I've been with a wonderful, excellent, caring, sweet, sensitive, smart guy for 8 years and had 2 kids with him.

No, as I've said before a zillion times on here, the "lovemaking" doesn't give me the end result that I got with the baddest of ALL bad boys. It may just be me and my mental/emotional instability and my tendency to get bored with guys quickly.

Funny thing is , with the major a**hole of all a**holes, I didn't get bored with him and was able to finish my business with.

UGH!
I know you guys are tired of hearing about this and I will try with all my might to stop but it's been HIGHLY theraputic for me.

*kisses*

LOVE the blog!

Being an adrenalin junkie, I totally get the bad boy thing. It's a great flame and all encompassing, but is ephemeral, and burns itself out. Burns you out too, if you don't get out of the way fast enough. When you get the that first rush, and consider him, you've got to remember that you deserve so much more.