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 I started waiting tables when I was sixteen; sometimes I still wish I was a waitress. It's physically demanding, people can be unbelievably obnoxious, and relying on tips is a pretty meager existence, but there's something about the social activity of it all that makes it worth it. I've never been a fan of desk jobs, I don't like sitting for too long, and staring at a computer all day makes me a little crazy in the head. One of the best aspects of waiting tables is people watching. It is truly the bestest people-watching branch in the voyeurism tree. My favorite person to watch was a woman who came in every Sunday for brunch, by herself. I had never seen someone eat out by themselves before. I wasn't the only person watching her--the other waiters thought it was "so sad." I didn't think it was sad at all, I thought it was marvelous. No one had forced this woman to leave her home and eat out every Sunday with only the newspaper for company; she chose to. The most enviable aspect of all of this to me was that she was so comfortable with herself, that she could just be with herself. She stuck with me for a while. In college I made it a point to go out by myself. I went out to lunch, went to the movies, took myself for ice cream or a cappuccino. Basically, I started dating myself in college. This is when I really came into myself. I don't credit these outings with my feeling comfortable in my skin--the whole college environment did that for me--but these rendezvous with me, were a sign that I had found a place in this world, and that place was apparently the skin I'd been walking around in all these years. I was happy and comfortable in who I was. Then I graduated, I fell out of college and into a relationship, all that comfort flew out the window. There I was part of a "we," when I had finally figured out what it meant to be "me." Eating alone felt wrong. Sleeping alone seemed lonely. As soon as I left work each day I'd call my boyfriend to see what we were doing that night. After a while all that seemed natural. Then--we broke up. Almost four years after college and here I was learning how to feel comfortable by myself again. I had never been alone as an adult. How could I have had a better understanding of myself at 20 than I did at 24? So, single and bedmateless I did what any self-respecting girl would do--I had a rebound boy. That didn't work out, but it did make me realize that I would rather be alone, with myself, than with just anyone. I don't know anything about the woman who brunched. She could have been miserable, she could have been an axe murderer, but she was someone I envied because she was comfortable being with herself. Now, it's almost ten years since I brought this woman her coffee and omelet, but this idea of who she must have been stays with me, and it's something I aspire toward. 12 CommentsLeave a comment |
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This is so true. In high school, it was the saddest thing to do anything alone. However, in college, I went their friendless and alone and loved it. For a full two years of my 4 and half years there (don't ask), I was so happy to drive 20 miles alone, go to class alone, eat alone, and drive 20 miles back home alone. It was fantastic. For the first time in my life, I could eat where I wanted and take as long as I want! I could go anywhere without anyone complaining. Then the third year, as the classes began to get smaller and more major oriented, I couldn't help but make friends with classmates who were in all my classes every quarter. I also got into a relationship, but I'm thankful that being alone doesn't feel weird. But I love being alone with my boyfriend because it's a more ALONE alone feeling, if that makes sense. I miss college.
I'm really touched by this. I've always felt sort of embarrassed to go into a restaurant and eat alone. Eating outside the home is a social event, in my head. Now I can go eat and know people will be wondering if I'm an ax murderer. Was it Silent Spring where people made up attributes for the mute man. SOOOOO many years ago. Wish I remembered better.
I love to eat out or go to movies by myself and I always have. I usually take a book or the newspaper and I get to order what I want, eat as slowly as I like and read while I eat. Even when I had boyfriends or now that I'm married with a kid, it always felt rejuvenating to go off and spend some time with myself. Of course, I'm an introvert which makes a difference.
I went to vist my auntie in Singapore when I was 15. They work 12-hour days there and she more or less forced me to go out and do things by myself every day. I went to the zoo, went to the mall, went to an amusement park, shops, restaurants, etc, etc. by myself. I can't thank her enough for giving me that feeling of independence.
There are always people who are shocked and surprised when I tell them I've [eaten out, seen movies, traveled the world] alone. It seems to me an artifact of a society where the pinnacle of personal relationships is the mated pair.
Ditto Tuppence! For me it's a downright treat to eat by myself, go to the movies by myself, go to a museum by myself, have sex by myself... oops, did I say that last one out loud? ;-)
I love love love doing things by myself sometimes. Exploring Florence by myself was the greatest gift I ever gave myself. I could wander musuems or just eat pate and drink champagne. It was the best way to reconnect with myself.
I always liked going to the library, the movies, and walks by myself, but not eating out. Not the act, that was no problem, but always felt like people were looking at me.
I hate eating alone. It doesn't matter if I am dining out or in, I really need company to enjoy a meal. If I'm alone, I usually just snack and pick rather than sitting down and eat anything substantial. I wouldn't say I'm uncomfortable with myself, I love shopping by myself, movies by myself, etc. But perhaps this requires some exploration on my part. Maybe I'll try going out to my favorite restaurant and just keep telling myself that it is a treat. Maybe I won't hate it, we'll see.
I hate eating alone. It doesn't matter if I am dining out or in, I really need company to enjoy a meal. If I'm alone, I usually just snack and pick rather than sitting down and eating anything substantial. I wouldn't say I'm uncomfortable with myself, I love shopping by myself, movies by myself, etc. But perhaps this requires some exploration on my part. Maybe I'll try going out to my favorite restaurant and just keep telling myself that it is a treat. Maybe I won't hate it, we'll see.
Ooh, I am such a loner. I've ended many a great relationship because I've just felt smothered. I spent a childhood alone by circumstance, and now am choosing to spend my adult years in as much solitude as possible. I'm borderline hermit sometimes, though.
I've always loved the movies by myself, though. I have more arthouse tastes than my friends and whenever I dragged them to some independent foreign film I would be plagued with self consciousness and horribly worried they'd hate it and so hate me for insisting they see it. It's far more enjoyable for me to go solo.
Kim, you're doing a great job blogging here, I look forward to your posts and have been really enjoying them...I'd been reading your other more food oriented blog for a while and was always eager to learn more, you're an asset to elastic waist.
I've always liked doing things myself. Even though I've been married since I was 20, things like traveling alone, eating alone, and just spending time by myself are a real treat. It's the one time where I can just sit and be. I don't have to think about anyone else's needs, or be considerate, or make conversation. It's my selfish time, and that's not a bad thing.
When my husband's away and my daughter is spending time with her grandparents, I love to go to this little upscale bistro and eat at the bar. You're right - it's like I'm taking myself on a date.