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 Because I'm an ancient old lady now (apparently my body has decided that it's time to prep for retirement at the tender age of 37), I have to make a very conscious effort to eat foods with fiber. Lots of fiber. Because if I don't...wow, does it suck when I don't eat fiber. And since I've been avoiding my usual granola cereal and 12-grain breads in an effort to reduce my carb intake, my dietary fiber has gotten lost in the mix. If I don't pointedly make myself eat celery or a crunchy romaine salad or something fibery every day, I'm going to be moaning and resorting to a tablespoon of Benefiber dissolved into my sugar-free tropical punch Kool Aid. In this endeavor, I've been trying some of the prepackaged foods that are marketed to the Baby Boomers. I learned that Activia should be renamed Asstivia; I really like Motts Plus Calcium applesauce; and Fiber One peanut butter bars are really truly delicious. In fact, I started keeping Fibre One bars in my drawer at work because it's a tasty snack and it helps me be regular and I can't believe I just wrote that sentence, my God, I used to be cool once, I swear. I've been snacking on them this week, one every day after a particularly gruesome daily conference call. Last night, while cozying up to Esteban on the couch, suddenly my gut just started orating, blurbling and bubbling like it heartily approved of the plot twist on the Bones rerun we were watching. Then there was a very unladylike noise. And then another one. Esteban, a man of many gastrointestinal operas himself, sneered at me. "Wow, are you done?" I blushed. "Er... yes?" My stomach gurgled in response. I got up and scurried into the kitchen, on the premise of getting a drink of water, but took advantage of the privacy to take care of some graceful thips and other bottom chortling. I returned, thinking that I had the situation in hand, but not three minutes later, I tried to disguise the muffled sound of quacking by coughing. Esteban was not fooled. "Are you feeling okay? Do you want me to pause the DVR so that you can, you know, go shit your pants or whatever you're about to do?" We do not soften blows in Chez Weetabix. I was fine and it was merely thunder sans lightning, as it were, but given that flatulence and me do not mix, it was a very disconcerting feeling to suddenly and uncontrollably give bottom blats like a trucker from Tuscaloosa. Bit of trivia: Fiber One bars contain chicory root, which is a type of inulin that makes you feel full without adding extra calories. Inulin is a prebiotic, containing the food for the good bacteria that live in the bowel. Lots of food. After eating said food, the little bacterii start burping. A lot. To borrow a phrase from Project Runway, there is entirely too much tootie. Guess I'm going to remove these little granola grenades from my desk drawer at work and stop packing them in my flight carryon bag. Seriously, there should be a giant warning label on the box. Perhaps just a little cartoon of an embarrassed woman with a little cloud exploding from her butt? 13 CommentsLeave a comment |
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FEED ME
I must have 2 boxes of these in my pantry but a I refuse to eat them because of the horrible gas they cause. And now, just today, I see that my tea has roasted chicory root and that would explain why I feel like my stomach is going to explode.
I am so glad I am not the only one that happens to. I love those FiberOne bars, mainly because they are delish, but I have never experienced such gastrointestinal phenomena before in my life. It was all right when I had a semi-private office and could fart the day away, but now that I'm sharing cubespace I had to let them go. *sniff*
Thanks for clearing the air. Literally.
this made me hoot and laugh out loud at my office. thanks for that.
and i guess the old "its funny cuz its true" clause works. For me, not FiberOne bars, but i've had a similar conversation with my boyfriend almost every time i eat trader joe's organic lentil veggie soup.
oops.
thanks for causing one of those deep belly laughs!
Yup...me too.
I love those Fiber One bars, but unless I'm living alone on a mountain top, I'll never eat one again.
Sigh.
Oh...I'm 37 too, and feelin' your pain. My body has turned on me.
I really like Activia yogurt, in (of all flavors) prune. It can't compare to greek yogurt or Rachel's, but still good. I like prunes!
Also, if you eat sunflower seeds regulary? You are also very regular. Alarmingly regular even.
This inulin problem has been around a while... check out the comments on this blog http://www.diet-blog.com/archives/2007/02/05/fiber_one_oats_and_chocolate_bar_review.php?page=2
So, I don't know that much about inulin, but when I convinced my bf that we needed to eat more fiber by way of veggies, lentils, etc, there was a breaking-in period as his gut acclimated itself to the new food patterns.
I'm almost 10 years younger than you, and I'd like to say that I've been fighting for regularity ever since college. So much so that my GRANDPARENTS would make fun of my preoccupation with my colon. They called me an old lady!
HALLELUJAH! SO glad to hear that I'm not the only one whose colon retired early.
I love FibreOne bars (esp the PB) but haven't noticed any particularly thunderous effects. The ingredients are a little different here in Canada, btw. At a quick glance it appears that chicory is not listed anywhere, but inulin is (about halfway down the list).
OMG!!! I'm only 24 yrs old, and I love the Fiber One bars, but I thought I was going to die after eating one a few days in a row. My husband had absolutely no problem with them whatsoever, but I am so so so so glad to know that I'm not crazy, that my body is not crazy, and that there are other women with the same problem!! Thank you for addressing such an embarrasing topic!
I can't do them either and I'm sad because they had the best PB granola I have ever tasted. But alas, it sends my tummy rumbling and sounding like it's trying to escape.
Can't. eat. Fiber. One. Will. Clear. Rooms.
I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one who has this result from the Fiber One bars! However, I think the more I eat them, the better it gets. Less bacteria burping, as it were.