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 This morning, I drove myself to the airport with minimal worries. This was unusual because, you see, I love to travel, but hate to fly. Not the actual flying part. That doesn't bother me. But as a plus size girl, there are all kinds of other issues involved when you start talking about impinging upon a stranger's personal space. I easily fit into the seats on airlines (although, oy, the bulkhead seat with the solid sides? My ass would only fit happily if my hips could dislocate), and I don't overlap the boundaries of my minuscule little area. I fold my arms into complicated origami shapes over my boobs so that I can give my seat partner full ownership of the armrest (which remains firmly down after I get buckled in). And I only take one carry on that I never touch once it is stowed in the overhead bin. I'd like to think I'm a good seat partner. Granted, I lust for the empty seat. You see, the empty seat means I can relax a little bit. I don't have to feel as though I'm apologizing for being in the row. I always check in and move myself to the perfect seat situation (window seat in a row where only the aisle is occupied) because I know that the chances of filling that middle seat are slim (ha! pun) to none. Sometimes Esteban, in his frequent travels, gets stuck in the middle seat, but so far, I've been lucky. I don't know what I'd do, quite honestly. Throw a fit, perhaps. Or burst into tears. Or perhaps fake a seizure. I didn't worry when I got to the airport, as the gate wasn't that full. However, when I did get seated, immediately a couple took seats D and E. Whenever it's a couple and I'm already seated, the women almost always choose to sit next to me. I don't know why that is. She seemed pleasant, none of the uncomfortable body language that you usually get. And quite frankly, I was pretty comfy jammed up against the window, even though the entire flight, I was staring at five completely empty seats in the two rows in front of us. Why hadn't I picked that one? Why hadn't they? It seemed like a waste. My connecting flight was delayed. And overbooked. And full of babies, strollers, people in wheelchairs and old people who couldn't lift their luggage into the bins. After a miserable boarding process, I finally plunked into seat 24A and started getting myself situated: my water bottle, package of cashews and four magazines tucked into the seat back. Then I noticed that a couple was laughing hysterically as they got closer. They were looking at me. What, did my bosom accidentally fall out? They laughed some more. Then they checked their tickets. Then they checked the seat number. Then they laughed harder. They sat down next to me, trying desperately to stifle their giggles. The girl (who chose the middle seat) did a classic feint: "What? Why are you laughing at me? Because I printed so many boarding passes?" Riiiiiight. You're both laughing because of boarding passes? Or because the universe just played a colossal trick on you and placed two Club MTV types on a plane next to the fat girl. They didn't talk to me the entire flight. Instead, they talked about how much sun they could still get after they landed and got wherever they were going, about how he wanted her to wear a sundress and wanted to see leg, lots of leg, he better see some leg, babe, seriously. He chided her about her waxing appointment and told her that he wanted her to get her "taint" waxed and that he'd call the waxer himself to make the appointment if she was too embarassed. She called him controlling and then she turned away, toward me, which then sent them back to peals of whispers and giggles. At one point, they were wrestling with each other, her elbow jabbing me in the rib. I folded myself up, holding my arms up by my chin, balancing my iPod against the window, breathing in low, even breaths so as not to seem like I was out of shape. I willed myself to shrink. I wanted to compress, condense, turn into a black hole of passenger, so dense that even light cannot escape it. I was happy when they both started to doze. Somewhere over Georgia, the girl's head dropped onto my shoulder and I did not move nor nudge her aside. I think I almost felt grateful. See? I'm not untouchable. Look, your forehead didn't get fat. When she jolted awake, she turned away and fell against him. When the flight was taxiing in Tampa, the stewardess announced that we could now use cellphones, and he flipped his open, holding it so the screen was pointed away from me. Then I heard the telltale sound of the camera click, then his thumbs danced over the number pad as he composed his text. The girl had a fake Louis Vuitton bag. So fake that the handles didn't even match the bag. While we were waiting to deplane, I nonchalantly looked it over for a crooked pattern or slipped stamp. In my head, I was glad that they were the kind of assholes who were going to go tanning, because it meant that in 20 years (or less) that guy was going to have skin cancer. And it made me happy, then guilty and then sad because in the space of 2 hours and 45 minutes, I went from feeling pretty good to feeling exactly the way I did in 7th grade. It didn't matter what I accomplished, how talented I am, or how nice. It didn't matter how much I rock a Powerpoint presentation, a karaoke microphone, a punchline or a really killer set of blunt-cut bangs. It didn't matter. They say that fat is used as an armor. I used to think that was true, even plausible in my case. I don't know anymore. I don't know what it's supposed to protect you from. Because right now, a picture of my stomach, my chest, or perhaps my double-chin in profile is sitting in someone's e-mail box with the subject line "Look what we got stuck sitting next to on our flight to Tampa!" And somehow, that gives them all the power in the world. 23 CommentsLeave a comment |
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This is so sad... one of my travel nightmares! People suck. :-P
Oh, Weetabix, this makes me so sad. It's exactly how I feel - except I DON'T fit well into the seats (I'm fat AND really tall) and I'm always afraid the seat belt won't fit and I'll have to ask for an extender and ahhh!
I have a trip coming up and I'm actually afraid. Like, my stomach hurts from being afraid about it. This kind of stuff actually keeps me from flying (well, that and the cost of tickets these days) and I hate that. I hate that I let that control me.
This expresses exactly what I feel when I fly these days. Yes, I am fat. No, I do not seep over into the next seat, because, like you, I work very hard on compressing myself into my available space. And yet, the casual resentment people feel about my very existence is so grueling that even if nothing else goes wrong on the plane the resentment of my fellow passengers is enough to derail my mood for days.
Sans the picture, I had this exact same flight a couple of weeks ago. With the added bonus of a stewardess from another airline sitting in front of me who used her seat to physically assault me when she couldn't get her full recline on, because *gasp* my knees were in the way. The kids in the seats next to me were hung over, but no less hurtful.
I'm so sorry, Weet. F*cking jackasses.
Im sorry I feel for you because Ive been in your position. Ive had to take lots of bus trips where I had to share a seat. Ive trained myself to seat in a certain position so I wont overlap the armrest. If its a trip where we will be riding overnight I bring breatheright strips so I wont be the fat girl snoring. I dont understand the armor thing either cause If anything I feel nothing but vunerable.
I don't know if it makes you feel better, but the two you were seated with are gonna have some serious sh*t lobbed at them by the universe for being such a**holes. What goes around comes around, and they will get theirs.
Also, check out Kim Brittingham's website, if you haven't yet. She posted a comment on another site the other day saying how negative comments about her appearance don't bother her, because she ignores ignorance. It's like being told by William Hung that you can't sing.
See, the second I got elbowed my finger would have been on the call button asking for another seat.
And people have tried to get sneaky camera phone photos of me. I'm really good at spotting them, at which point they get my best Marilyn Monroe kissyface pose and a middle finger salute.
I do not put up with that kind of bullshit. I am a child of God and worthy of respect, and even if the rest of the universe sees a fat bitch stirring the shit, I will treat myself with respect.
too bad every-one seems so afraid to fly....never been a problem for myself.
genie tait...
I felt so sad when I read this post. And I can completely identify. While I can usually wedge myself into the seat, I usually have to ask for a belt extender. On a recent trip, it was painfully obvious that the flight attendant had a real issue with me, likely because of my size. I've never found my fat to be any sort of armor. Unfortunately, it seems to open me up to all sorts of ridicule that other physical characteristics like scars, birthmarks, or a disability wouldn't. It's unfortunate that people find it funny to be cruel for something that most of us would gladly change with a snap of the fingers.
While I've accepted who I am and generally am happy with myself and my life, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't trade places in a second with a "normal" person. Because there are days when I feel down, just like anyone else, and those are the days when the cruelty hurts and cuts deeply. And then I have to work again to build myself back up.
We all know that shallow people like that couple you encounter aren't worth the dirt on your shoe. The thing is with those type of people, they aren't likely to ever understand the type of negativity they surround themselves with. But at least know that even over the web, you are surrounded with people who value you, no matter your size.
genie tait, it's not about being afraid to fly. It's about being hassled and made to feel uncomfortable while you're flying - which can happen to anyone and just isn't very nice.
To crib a bad Buffy line, you are a hell of a woman, Weetabix. This whole post was one long "oh, god, I know," and it sucks that you felt that way. It really, truly sucks. But those empty people with their empty heads and empty lives? They aren't worth anything of you, seriously. Plus, you have real designer bags and no skin cancer. Who's laughing now?
"I willed myself to shrink. I wanted to compress, condense, turn into a black hole of passenger, so dense that even light cannot escape it."
Such an aptly written description of how I often feel in public. It's sad, but oh so true.
You will continue to feel pain and humiliation as long as you allow yourself to be treated as less than human. You need to stand up for yourself and stop being a victim. What occurred was assault, verbal as well as physical. Do you think that people are allowed to just take pictures of strangers to mock them? No, you should have requested their driver's license. Or at the very least, called for the flight attendant to find them a new seat during the flight.
If you do not value yourself, and defend yourself, who will?
I'm fat, very fat actually, and although almost every heavy woman I've ever known has a story similar to this one, I'd somehow escaped moments like this completely. Being an introvert and mostly concerned with my 'own thing', I'd sailed through life blissfully unaware of what other people thought of my size or anything else about me. That is until I decided to make myself more aware of my surroundings in an attempt to find the reason the bad luck had seemingly passed me by. I decided there was surely no way I was just that lucky. Was it happening and I just didn't notice?
What I discovered was that people are indeed prejudiced against me but in much more passive ways. They either give me subtle dirty looks or don't acknowledge me at all. I don't know why I haven't been confronted openly but it may be due to a combination of my height as well as my size. Maybe the predators don't feel as safe attacking a 6 foot 340lb woman, even in herds. Instead I become invisible, and because of this I'm now certain there's a whole lot of social life I've missed out on.
But no matter. When faced with a choice I think I'd rather be invisible than the object of such vicious, ignorant, hurtful behavior. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I could weep over this post for it being so beautifully, painfully written and how cruel people can be.
You are brave and wonderful to share your innermost feelings with us out here in cyberspace. Thank you.
I can't believe people would do that. I'm so sorry.
p.s. I just discovered elasticwaist and it is fantastic!
A similar thing happened to me on a flight recently. I sat in the window seat and two people sat next to me, giggling etc. They too felt it necessary to take my picture and send it to someone. So, I did the same to them and said loudly enough as I added the text "this is what assholes look like"
Shut them right up!!!! :)
Mean people suck!
Re: your last line - "And somehow, that gives them all the power in the world".
Yeah, the power to be evil fuckheads. What did they do next, steal some candy off some kids?
The powerful person there was you, you - who did not lower herself to their level with a response, but used it as material to be creative and communicate with us. Your fans!!!
I think next time you should turn the cell phone camera on them and say "OMG, I am, like, so going to text my friends... like, this is the girl I sat next to who has a hairy taint. HAHAHA. Have fun with the Florida wax job, baby girl!"
(They say turn the other cheek, but I don't really believe in that. I call it karmic retribution.)
I have always been equally afraid with flying of inconveniencing my fellow travelers with both my wide hips and/or my children. When I flew to FL last, I did have the blessing that traveling with 2 kids insured that at least although I was stuck perpetually in the middle seat, it was between my two kids who don't care if I am in their personal space. But as worried as I always am about my kids (9 and 11 not toddlers or babies) disturbing other passengers, I sure have noticed most other passengers couldn't give a single shit about how they are crushing me, or anyone else among other things. People suck.
Having lived in Tampa for a few years, I can tell you those two must have been returning to their motherland where assholes reign surpreme.
For this to happen to anyone makes me sad. For this to happen to one of my heroes makes me homocidal.
Jesus.
OMG that comment about taking a picture 'of the girl wih a hairy taint!' had me ROLLING. Too good!
I'm about 6' and just over 400lbs and I soooooo feel your pain. Flying is a freakin' nightmare.
I'm healthy. I'm active. I'm smart. I'm clean and I smell good. I am a beloved wife to a great guy and I am a great mom to two beautiful daughters. I do interesting work, I have fun hobbies, I spend time with a diverse group of friends. I am well educated, bilingual, well traveled and exremely polite. Who wouldn't want to sit next to me on public transportation? OH, wait, that's right. No one. I'm FAT. My mistake. And we all know fat is the trump card, and if you dare deviate from the skin and bones acceptable norm, nothing else about you will ever matter or even be noticed.
It's not right, and I agree we should keep fighting to change things. But damned if it's not so discouraging sometimes, too. One plane trip can leave you feeling defeated for a month.
After reading your post I was horrified that people so despicable actually exist. Dont let these mindless voids ruin any of your time..
The post was extremely moving and i have to say im totally addicted to this site! I love what you do here and think its empowering!