This is not what you think it is! Or maybe you don't automatically flash to a very pornographic place when you look at this big yellow phallic contraption. This, you see, is a banana guard! That guards your banana! I must tell you that bananas are my absolutely favorite fruit that ever was, and have always had the top spot in my heart since I was first able to form opinions about fruits. In fact, I have at my house this moment, a banana-flavored beer that I could not resist buying, despite the fact that I do not even LIKE beer.

But my biggest banana pet peeve, after the weird little brown plug thing at the bottom (which I call "banana anus"), is a prematurely bruised and therefore tainted banana, so I can understand and appreciate the level of OCD that would lead to developing an entire business venture devoted to the prevention of battered bananas. But I think I'm insensitive to the crises that our lunch is undertaking every day, because really, I look at this and think, "Wow, what a completely worthless plastic piece of crap." Clearly, I am very silly.