Photo via Splash

Here's a quandary: let's say that you're a celebrity and you've just spotted your retreating backside on the cover of a tabloid, under the word "CELLULITE" spelled in a gigantic font. What do you do?

A) Fume over the fact that despite a recession and a war, people are more interested in criticizing the back of your thighs
B) Issue a press conference to publicly shame the media for objectifying women and reducing them to a sum of their (im)perfect parts.
C) Sue the tabloid and give the money to a foundation that helps girls with body dysmorphia
D) State that you're fine with your cellulite, FINE, ok? Fine! Then go get a laser procedure to remove it.
E) Put on a short dress, grab a copy of the magazine and find some paparazzi to prove that you don't really have cellulite.

I've never heard of Phoebe Price, but she stalked the pappies not once, but TWICE this month to show that her thighs don't have a speck of fat on them. Really, why stop at just a short dress when trying to get approval from these photographers? She should have hauled out the calipers too. Maybe a big scale. And then invited all of the photographers to give her upper thighs a squeeze, as though testing for ripeness at the fruit stand. And then did a little "I'm not a fattie" song and interpretive dance.