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I have been told before that I am far too smart for my own good--which I always assumed meant that I think I know everything when really I totally don't and someday that's going to bite me in the ass. It has also meant that I analyze things to death, that I insist I am correct and cling to my rightness righteously to the point of giant blow-outs, and that I have a sassy mouth for which I was about to be grounded. It has never before meant, and never before did I think it would mean, that I am just way too intelligent and educated to have good sex. That's what a German survey suggests, anyway--that 62 percent of educated women had difficulty having orgasms.
Of course, I'm skeptical about this survey--a small sample; it's just a questionnaire given by a lifestyle magazine; it's hardly scientific or conclusive and is filled with hastily drawn and probably extremely shaky correlations that have nothing to do with causation; and I am taking this very personally, I suppose, because I've got a graduate degree and I don't have any difficulties with orgasms. Though maybe it's because I screw my brains out. Ha! But mostly, this survey worries me a lot, because it makes for the kind of story that's ripe for spinning into the quick and easy sexist stereotypes that make you angry (or should)--the uptight brain versus the dumbass blonde with her knees behind her ears, the frigid smarty pants versus the ditzy good-time girl, the pervasive idea that a smart, educated woman can't really enjoy sex, or talking about it or thinking about it, which was pretty prevalent, as our smart commenters point out, not all that long ago--and still too frequently crops up. And then we have that old-as-the-hills pissant idea that a woman shouldn't ever show up a man, on the tennis court or in conversation or in the office, and now, in bed? It's your fault he didn't make you come, because you're just too brainy. That survey is a tissue of lies. Smart women are better in bed, because they're smart enough to know that sex is awesome (high five!) and orgasms are as good as a divine right. Smart women are strong, and quick and tough, and they know what they want, they know how to articulate it, and they know how to get it. And if they don't--they know how to figure it out. They're good at pleasing themselves and their partners, in the process. And they know there's no such thing as being too smart for their own good--they're just good and goddamn smart. In bed and out. 2 CommentsLeave a comment |
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There's a lot to hate in that article, and you touched on most of the reasons. But another offensive part to me was the equation of smart with educated. They are NOT the same thing. There are plenty of smart people without degrees (I like to think I am one), and plenty of idiots who have masters degrees. The data suggests educated women are not enjoying sex, but the headline, and other places in the article, say "smart" women.
How condescending is the page title of that article, anyway? "Clever girls have bad sex." That's great. Not only are we only smart if we're educated, but we're also "girls" --not even grownups -- so even if we are intelligent, we're still being looked down on.
Although I hate this article, too (I would like to see the original German survey, rather than some nasty British tabloid's headline), I think they might be onto something. I'm a "clever girl" with a degree from a difficult school, who's always been told she's "too smart for her own good," too, and I've always had problems orgasming, mainly because I think about it too much. It took me years to figure out even how to masturbate, and I did it by reading a technical manual.
My current wonderful boyfriend says I need to cultivate a quiet mind, and I heartily agree that one is necessary for good sex, in the same way you need to quiet your mind to meditate, or pray. That's still difficult for me, although I don't know if it's because I'm intelligent or just have too many thoughts in my head.
And has anyone thought about whether or not it might just be because men are made insecure by smart women? It's pretty damn hard to have an orgasm with a guy who feels inferior to you. Not to mention how hard it is to convince yourself, as a woman, that it's okay for you to be smarter than the man in your life.