The problem with porn is that you buy one for say, 50 bucks. Especially if it's one of those fantastic spectacular spectaculars. And you've got a movie that's about an hour, two hours long. Which is about dollar a penis, fifty cents an "Oh baby, yeah, like that," 42 cents for every minute, a quarter for every badly done fake boob. Maybe my math is a little off, but that's okay. The general idea that I'm trying to get at, here, is that porn is expensive.

The fact that goes along with the expense of porn (and we're talking, here, about porn you buy for yourself, not something you share with your partner) is that you're not getting a lot for your money, despite the fact that you've got two hours full of deep dicking. Why? Because you're not going to sit and watch two hours worth of deep dicking, are you? Even if it's one of those very excellent storied porns full of pirates, there's only so much enthusiastic doing it you can watch before you either get impatient and take care of things, bored, or overwhelmed, suddenly, by the absolute ridiculousness of the entire enterprise and the bizarre artificiality of the porn industry and then you're going to realize that you're thinking entirely too much and need to turn it off because you're just not in the mood any more.

So usually, before things get complicated, you're going to watch for maybe ten minutes, tops, take care of yourself, and move on. Again, you could keep watching, all by yourself and lonely on the couch, just to try to get your money's worth, but--no. That's not likely to happen. You will never get your money's worth! You may as well just quit watching porn altogether, and go live in a nunnery and milk sheep and think pure thoughts about doves and unpastuerized cheese.

You could also go to the (NOT safe for work) redtube, a site that's been around for awhile, but is a brilliant new discovery for me. It is, pretty much, YouTube for porn. It's got a billion different porn clips, ranging from 30 seconds to 30 minutes, and arranged thoughtfully into categories like Big Tits, Blow Job, Wild & Crazy and Gay, and rated with stars that actually seem to mean very little, but it always makes you feel a little fancy, to watch a five-star porn clip. So stick with redtube for all your quick-and-dirty masturbation needs, and save the DVD buying for those special occasions.