You already know that when it comes to body image, you can be your own worst enemy. After all, no one can take advantage of you (or make you feel like crap) without your permission. In fact, when it comes to weight, sometimes that self-hatey crap can actually be a
self-fulfilling prophecy. Here are some things that I'm sure you've heard yourself say, but you seriously need to shut the heck up already, and start treating yourself with some kindness.
- I'm so fat today! No, you're you today. No more, no less.
- The people on The Biggest Loser lose 4-8 pounds a week and I only manage (0,1,2,3,etc) pounds. I suck! If your bff said that, what would you say to them? Would you let them beat themselves up? The people on the television show are ON A TELEVISION SHOW. They work out for six hours a day and even past winners have had a serious yoyo effect, regaining weight just as quickly as they dropped it.
- My legs/thighs/face/pinky finger is SO fat! Maybe it is. This is not a judgment or a failing. Geneen Roth suggests that every time you find yourself making these kinds of observations, you repeat in your head "and the sky is blue" after each one.
- I was good/bad because I gained/lost a pound this week. Your weight does not make you a good person. The number on the scale does not affect the person inside your head.
- I can't have chocolate because I don't deserve it. Eating something is neither good nor bad. There are no moral implications (unless you're bogarting your coworkers Fage out of the office fridge).
- This skirt wouldn't look awful on me if I weren't such a pig. How does an ill-fitting piece of clothing make any kind of statement about you? The assumption there is that the skirt is "right" and your body is "wrong." Maybe the skirt just sucks?
- I won't find anyone to date/marry/shag until I lose weight. Except that you know this isn't true, and the people who would only date/marry/shag you if you met a certain cookie-cutter standard are not the people you want to be around anyway.
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FEED ME
I hear, "Your stomach is SO big."
"Ugh" and "how many chins this time?"
"Looks all right to me."
"Rawr! Muscles!"
"I wonder if underneath the fat there are even MOAR MUSCLES?"
(it's truly amazing that I've been able to lobotomize myself this way. If only I could do that to the rest of my negative self-talk.)
A few weeks ago my personal trainer made me do a "one week of positive self talk" exercise where I had to post (in an online group I'm with) a good thing about myself everyday. I didn't know it would be so hard. Yes, I managed but the bigger lesson was how often I let that crap fill my head. Thanks for these great reminders.
"Pudgy" is pretty much what I hear and how I describe myself.
single word or phrase that comes to your head most often when you look in the mirror
"Is my 'witch whisker' long enough to pluck yet?"
followed closely by: "I need a haircut"; "I need a brow wax", and "I'm so gray!".
Yeah, way more fixated on the hairiness than on the fat.
Oh, how timely that you posted this - I did a very lengthy version of what goes on in my head on my blog yesterday: http://www.redredwhine.com/?p=883.
I have been working - hard - on having more compassion for myself. It's so fascinating to me that people are capable of berating themselves like we do.
This post is awesome, I just wish I could convince myself of all of those things. When I look in the mirror I think ugly.
"Hello, gorgeous!"
"ugh, tum"
"I need a haircut"
"I look like Frida Kahlo on a bad day"
"Do I need to shave again?"
"Is that a pimple?"
"Ugh, tum"
Lately it's been hair woes: "Why won't it hold color? Where did the curl go? Why is it so thin? I should just shave it off and buy a wig. GGGRRR!"