On Sunday morning, Esteban and I were watching television while sipping coffee and perusing the newspaper. A commercial for Playtex bras came on. First, a Julianne Moore lookalike tells us about her fear of being poked with wires (oh girlfriend, I feel your pain! I have an armpit scar from one particularly aggressive rogue underwire), then a blonde giggles while her friend with awesome hair expounds upon "leaving all that flesh out," then another girl with enormous purple earrings tells us about how boobs hang over, creating a muffin top. At first I was confused, because a muffin top happens around your gut not over the top of your cup (that, my friends, is a quadraboob situation) but then I realized that this was a milestone.

Weetabix: Wow, she just said 'boob'! That's pretty radical, isn't it? Is that the first time they've used 'boob' in a commercial when actually referring to a boob?

Esteban: I don't know. That other girl just described her boobs as 'yummy.'

Larger Girl On Commercial: Gravity is no longer my enemy. But brownies are.

Weetabix: Whoa.

Esteban: I actually heard the sound of your brain screech to a halt as you started mentally composing a blog post. Nice!

It's true. WTF, Playtex? You were so close....so bloody close...to being all size-positive and making me have warm and fuzzy thoughts and then you had to bitchslap me with a non-skinny woman who has food issues? In one swoop, not only do you validate the fact that women should equate food or calories with a worthy adversary, one that they struggle with, but this line comes from the largest actor in the commercial. Ha! I get it! Women, especially fat girls, are weak-willed and afraid of chocolate because of what they just might do!

You know, I hate to break everything down to a "think of the children" argument, but how many little girls out there are going to wonder why they should be afraid of brownies? It does seem as though a lot of the commercial was ad lib, kind of confessional style, judging by how many other (much more fun) clips there are. But no matter whether it was unscripted or vetted to look as though it's unscripted, if you don't think the advertisers weren't being very manipulative picking that ending, you're wrong. Look girls, whether you believe it or not, you have a dysfunctional relationship with food! It's a classic neg, a subliminal dig to throw us off balance and convince us that we really do need extra help, even if it's in making our boobs lift and separate. After all, who knows you better than Playtex?