During my freshman year in college--when I was still living in the dorms and a certain fraternity considered me their collective little sister--the few times I ate in the quad cafeteria I was usually surrounded by a bunch of jocks who loaded their trays up with nutritional nightmares, while I'd pick away at my green salad covered with frozen peas (I had a hard time eating around boys back then, so tended to go with foods I could pick at, thus cultivating the illusion that I was dainty). I only remember two defining moments from those times: the food fight (a pre-planned assault on pasta night, with the fraternities in question stocking up on all the wet, gushiest messy food possible and actually flipping tables to act as foxholes) and the night that a guy named Dan consumed 21,000 calories in one sitting.

He had to bulk up for some sporting thing or another, and he had a long run earlier that day and had stretched out his stomach with a bunch of water. He was starving when he hit the cafeteria, which was an all you can eat affair, and started pounding protein and carbs. At the 22nd sloppy joe, he predicted that he could easily eat another dozen or so. Then it became a contest: how many calories could he consumed in one sitting? Someone's girlfriend was studying nutrition and started keeping count. At an estimated 700 calories per sandwich, a plate of the gross yet compelling bacon/peanut butter/honey mash that the athletes used as bulking fodder, plus 14 glasses of chocolate whole milk, it racked up pretty quickly. He then retired for the evening and claimed that he was feeling fine but his girlfriend confirmed that he had a terrible case of meat sweats that night.

You don't have to look very far to find items on fast food menus that just automatically come with eleventy billion calories without even doing anything. Hell, you could hit 10K in a day, just by hitting a drive through for all of your meals. But sometimes you have to use a little creativity to come up with your own DIY crazy calorific concoction. My favorite has always been the In'N'Out 100 X 100, but this Big MacChicken is pretty brilliant. And I'm not surprised that Paula Deen is pimping out a "You've Got To Be Kidding Me" sandwich that provides about a year's worth of saturated fat in one handy portion. Some of these things don't look very tasty at all but some of them? Color me curious!

The comments want to know what is the most calorific meal you've ever had that gives you no guilt whatsoever?