I am the daughter of a heavily eating disordered woman. As you predicted, I have an eating disorder/ obsession with weight, along with a hearty dose of body dysmorphia and low self confidence. Or at least this WAS me, when I was a teenager.

Trust me, there is nothing more I would love to do than blame my mother...however, I DO have two sisters, who are relatively sane around food... so I can't pull the bad-mommy card on this one!

I used to think eating habits were learned from a young age - taking the "nurture" over the "nature" approach. But as years roll by, and I talk to more women about their struggles and pasts, I realize the genetic crapshoot involved in food addiction/ anorexia/ bulimia.

So, to answer your question, "Are our daughters totally going to be screwed?" Yes, if they inherit our faulty genes. And no, if we realize this and take the right measures to counteract.

thanks for a great post :)

My mom used to be pretty healthy about her body when I was growing up though she did teach me the whole "eat sweets" when happy, sad or whatever the mood. I got my sweet tooth from her, she got it from my grandma, etc. I use sweets as a coping mechanism.

If I was to "blame" anyone though it'd be my Dad. I think I tend to stay fat because of how unlovable I felt growing up in the confines of his alcoholism.

I never once heard my mom say anything about her own body, good or bad. She is petite and fairly thin, eats normally, and never gave me any crap about how I looked. In fact, whenever I said how fat I was, she always contradicted me. Any body issues I have are purely my own slash society's fault, ha ha.

My mom is pretty healthy and athletic, but my sister and I often found chocolate bars hidden in her purse and sewing drawers. Now I am pretty healthy and atheltic, but I have a do have a sweet tooth and often hide it from my husband when I eat chocolate bars.

Parents really do pass things down by example. My parents don't have eating disorders but they are obsessive. My dad obsesses over knowing everything about everything, making sure his website is perfect, the door hinges are perfect, etc. He can't do anything without obsessing. My mom obsessively watches her Soap Operas. She can't miss a minute! They obsess over some other things I won't get into, but my point is that I am also an obsessive person. It is great that I finish everything I start now, but on the downside I make people late, I frustrate my boyfriend, and I've lost friends. For goodness sake, I can't even go to bed unless I complete my routine.

To go on a bit more, my parents, who I no longer speak to, actually search my online posts. I know this because they've sent me e-mails saying "I saw so and so post you wrote about your sister."

Careful Moms AND Dads! Work on yourselves- if not for your own sake, but for your childrens'.

Jenni

Ah, the mom issue! I adore my mother, and weight is the place where she failed me most. She grew up with bad body image, and while she finagled her way into mostly healthy habits, the power struggle over eating and weight did a number on me. Her worries about her own hips were a distant concern to me then, though if she were truly at peace with her own body, I doubt she'd have been as concerned with mine.

That said, she's not responsible for my current weight - I 'blame' her only to the extent that she knew she wasn't entirely comfortable with hiding food from me, and instead of pushing for dialogue and information, she went with the conventional wisdom of dieting a 10-year old. It was, however, the wisdom of the day, and she never engaged in any of the truly cruel things that I know others have done. I fervently wish that I could get a do-over on that part of my childhood, but I'm rueful way more than I'm angry.

Insulating our daughters from negative self-talk is one of the most powerful things we can offer them, but I worry that there's a danger in worrying too much over it. Compounding a 'god, I suck - look at my thighs!' with a 'god, I SUCK, I badmouthed my thighs in front of my kid' is just more self-hatred. Feeling proud when we can and do model self-confidence is a way better way to turn the discussion around.