On this week's The Biggest Loser, Maggie wondered why anyone would want to be friends with her when she's fat. This question was raised seemingly minutes after Jillian pulled Maggie off of a Precor treadmill (from 24 Hour Fitness, available at 24 Hour Fitness, as noted by the 24 Hour Fitness logos that are seriously plastered everywhere in the Loser gym. Sometimes when I get tired of watching fat people getting screamed at, I entertain myself by counting how many 24 Hour Fitness logos make it into a single shot. The record so far: 7) and grilled her on what was bothering her. Quite honestly, I sort of wonder if Maggie just pulled a reasonable emotional issue out of her ass because she didn't feel like talking about the fact that her bff and possible lover Jenn got sent home two weeks ago and she's still a little pissed at herself for waterloading that week. Or maybe she wants to bone Dan, and that's possible now that his mom Jackie is no longer around to cramp his style. If I were her, I'd be aiming for Britney. Britney is absolutely stunning. But I digress.

Jillian played the therapy card and brought in her mother who is apparently a psychiatrist, or maybe a psychologist, I don't know, I zoned out because I just kept looking at this woman's hips. Is Jillian a fitness freak because she's worried about inheriting those hips? There's a psychological relationship I'd like explored, personally. I don't want to know why these people have been self-medicating with food, I want to know what makes Jillian and Bob tick! 

Dr. Jillian's Mom talks to Britney, Krazy Kelly and also Baldy Bear about their wounded inner children. Despite a fascinating moment of regression when Baldy Bear's voice actually changes to that of a little boy when talking about the physical abuse he endured in childhood, we didn't really learn very much other than the REM standard: Everybody Hurts. I'm assuming that Bernie and Maggie are pretty happy and healthy? Or they don't have significant Jerry Springer moments in their childhood that made for good television. There are no easy answers, and if we talk about fat people who had happy childhoods, we might realize the unfortunate truth that sometimes, people are just fat because diets don't fucking work.

I want to believe there are happy, emotionally healthy people who had Very Brady childhoods and just happen to be overweight. I know at least two, Esteban being one of them, although he might disagree with me. But it does seem that a lot of our issues with body image, whether you're too big or too small, can be traced back to some defining moments or conditions we suffered in our development. I've drawn this out before on this page, but in summary, I've had sort of a fucked up childhood that definitely influenced my mental image of my own body and my relationship with food. And quite honestly, like Britney and Baldy Bear and very probably Maggie, I don't like to talk about it with people who know me. Not because it's a painful discussion (although it is) but because I am not really interested in turning my childhood trauma into some kind of spectator sport. When my friends look at me, I want them to see an awesome friend, someone who makes them laugh, someone who will bitchslap them if they show up wearing an inferior underwire bra, someone who has imagination and talent and concern and is a great listener. It's bad enough that when I look in the mirror, I sometimes see Former Abused Kid, I certainly don't want them to see that too. I know that I'm not giving them enough credit, but maybe I feel about leftover childhood dysfunction the way that Maggie feels about being fat? Margarita sums it up very nicely in her Valentine's Day post:

I rarely ever (okay, never!) opened up to my friends about my internal struggles with weight and my body issues. In fact, most people who know me have said at one point or another, "When are you not happy?" But one night about 6 months ago, I was hanging out with a friend and feeling too deflated to put on my little-miss-sunshine routine: I actually told her I didn't deserve to be happy because I was overweight. She looked me dead in the eyes and asked, "If you have an overweight daughter one day, is that how you're going to treat her?"

I have no answers. But who knew that an insipid and sometimes pathetic show like The Biggest Loser would make me ask these questions? It continues to surprise.

I just wish I didn't have to sit through two hours of whining and Kelly crying in order to get these revelations.  And for what it's worth, after watching Maggie's impression of the boy's team and their dumb jock mentality, I totally want to be her friend.

Food Consumed During Show: Actually, I did a Biggest Loser No No and ate my dinner in front of the television--grilled tenderloin tips, steamed brown rice and shitake mushrooms sauteed with white truffle oil, paired with a delightful claret. Dessert was a frosted sugar cookie shaped like a snowflake. I regret nothing. --Weetabix