This week on The Biggest Loser, Whiny Boston Brother won his team an overnight trip to Las Vegas, but they didn't get to bring Trainer Bob along, which seemed a little unfair to me. Clearly the producers wanted the contestants to mess up, maybe hit a buffet or something (screw the buffets! The best chefs in the world have restaurants there! Whenever I'm in Vegas, if I'm not eating In'N'Out burger, I'm hitting Thomas Keller's Bouchon because it is the best food ever). I hear that the whipped cream licked out of a stripper's ass crack is very high in calories.

But the boys party like, well, your parents, mostly. The Boston Brothers go to bed relatively early, but at least Dan and Roger have some sense and get back to their Planet Hollywood suite at 6 a.m. People, if you are going to bed in Vegas before midnight, you are doing it wrong, but you know, you're still on a stupid reality show that depends on a physical component, so I guess I would have probably just hit a spa for a nice massage (and steam room) and then tucked in for the night. Aw, who am I kidding, I would have been up all night dancing at the flamboyantly fabulous Krave, which is, incidentally, conveniently located in Planet Hollywood's complex. Actually, if the straightest guys ever had hit Krave, that would have made for some fine television.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (ha!), Jillian's Black team was circling its wagons and puffing up their widdle chests to do good at the weigh-in. Jillian stuns me by coaxing yet another insight out of Britney by noticing that she tries and tries and tries and gets really close to succeeding but then backs away. Jillian asks what Britney is afraid of and Britney claims that she's not afraid of anything, but in confessional, she admits that maybe she's a little afraid. And wow, that's something that my friends actually have mentioned to me too, that maybe I'm a little afraid of getting close to something, of trying things and failing, so I sometimes just give up. I can feel that right now, too, as I'm nearing the end of my graduate course work, I just want to say "Aw, forget it" and step off the hamster wheel. Holy crap, when is Jillian going to get out of my head?

At weigh-in, we had a new development in the shirt department as suddenly, all of the guys were wearing muscle shirts without sleeves. At first I thought it was one of their dumb jock bonding things, but then when Bernie went up, he wasn't taking his shirt off. Aha! Last week's frightening moment when Whiny Boston Brother's pendulous moobs were doing some kind of frantic choreography when he was jumping up and down? Some producer decided that America was no longer able to handle the nipple trauma. However, the girls? Still weighing in while only wearing sports bras. There is no justice, people. No justice.

Sidebar: the flashback showing Maggie's first weigh-in? She had braided pigtails in and it was adorable! Also, the HD picked up some hairline acne on Britney (probably from sweating so much during six-hour workouts), which explains why she's always hiding behind her hair.

Incidentally, this was yet another week when last week's preview totally telegraphed that the blue team was going to lose the weigh-in and basically came right out and said that either Roger (who I like to call Big 'Bama, which I think Roger would enjoy) or Bossy Boston Brother was going home. And blammo, that's pretty much what happened. And I didn't even get to enjoy a week without Kelly bursting into spontaneous tears (although her face did threaten to squinch at least twice) because every guy save for Berndana wept more than Kelly has all season so far. I didn't even think that was possible. If it weren't for the 24 Hour Fitness logos, I would have thought that I had accidentally flipped to Brian's Song or maybe The Longest Yard. People, it's a reality show! They're not going to take Mark out back and shoot him like Old Yeller, he's just going home to his family. I actually burst out laughing when Mark tearfully tells Roger that he needs to watch out for his brother Jay and then big old juicy wet stuff wells up in 'Bama's eyes and he replies, "You've always been my brothers! All'a y'all." Sorry, but that's more melodrama than even the worst (best) telenovella! In the words of Anne's boyfriend E, you can't write this stuff! 

In the interest of full disclosure: tonight, while watching the show, I snacked on a small handful of dry Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal (basically, I had planned to snack on it, had a few pieces of cereal and decided I just wasn't hungry) and then chomped on two pieces of Dentyne Ice Vanilla Chill sugarfree gum, which I suspect is laced with crystal meth as it is the best gum on the planet. No wine tonight, just two glasses of water. Wow, oddly very Biggest Loser appropriate. However, I refuse to say that the gum was just like having dessert, no matter how much Jillian gets into my head.