To commemorate the season of giving (and of light! And of candy canes!), Self.com's One-Month Makeover promises to make me a better person and also get me into the non-denominational afterlife of your choosing. 

And quite honestly, I need some help being a better person. I have evil thoughts that hide in my brain, which are probably rotting my soul and also, if you are to believe my hippy dippy new age childhood, going to give me cancer. (I do not believe this for one minute, by the way, because that implies that people who have cancer are being punished for being a bad person and oh my God, this is why I need help, right here! This makeover cannot come soon enough! How will I last 30 days!? How?!)

So, Day One: Create Good Karma!

Karma! Good! I can do this! I totally believe in karma, actually (another leftover from aforementioned granola crunching childhood), so this is a no-brainer. When I was first contemplating this post, I thought: Hey! Cinch! It was my turn to bring snacks to my evening class and I am nothing if not a perfect hostess. I covered all the bases: fruit, salty, sweet, chocolate, vegan, sugar-free, gourmet weirdness and carb-restricted. After a semester of bags of potato chips and sparse selections, my classmates voted me the best snack bringer of the semester! Day 1 complete!

But...

Well, it wasn't really establishing good karma, was it? I mean, I got a perverse sense of satisfaction out of being considered awesome by my classmates. In fact, wasn't this driven by one of the seven deadly sins, PRIDE? (Also maybe gluttony, but I actually didn't really eat anything myself). Fuck. Day One is harder than I thought.

I had to find something that was kind for nothing more than kindness sake. Something that had no benefit for myself, other than the expunging of my black, evil soul. That's harder than you'd think, people!

Finally, it hit me while in line at the Starbucks drive through this morning. I handed the barista a ten-dollar bill and paid for my own coffee and also the coffee of the person behind me. The barista was befuddled.

"Do you know that person?" the barista asked, befuddled.

"Nope!"

"Er, what do you want me to tell them? Anything?"

I hadn't expected to have to explain myself. I thought about saying something quippy about random acts of kindness (come on, coffee does not equal kindness, it equals a little $3 gift from a stranger) or just being enigmatic and saying, "They know why they deserve it!" (which would undoubtedly get me investigated by the Department of Homeland Security) but I finally just smiled brightly at her and said, "Karma!" and then sped off into the morning. —Weetabix