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A few days ago, I had a meeting with my doctoral adviser at my school, so I took a few hours off of work, drove the 120 miles to be there at 1:30 p.m., since he was only available until 2:00 p.m. I hit some traffic along the way and zipped into the short term parking at exactly 1:27. If you know me, you know that I hate being late so much that it makes me physically ill, so I was relieved knowing that I would just make it on time or be maybe a minute late. I raced into the building, hit the elevator button and then the hallway went dark. The predictable gasps of astonishment came from various rooms, then the backup generator kicked in, throwing the dim emergency lights on. Weird, I thought, and was thankful that I hadn't been inside the elevator when the power blew, but then I realized that terrorists were not attacking and I still had to get up to my advisor's office. On the eighth floor. This is when I thought about just turning around and leaving. However, I bucked it up, because stairs are not terrorists. I should not be so frightened of stairs. And yet, by the third floor, I was trying to not audibly pant and by the fifth floor, I left the stairwell and hid in the bathroom so that I could catch my breath. I didn't want to be the fat girl who collapses into a puddle of sweat because she needs to run up eight flights of stairs, but holy fuck, eight flights of stairs is a very lot of stairs. Eight flights of stairs might be cruel and unusual punishment. It seemed like forever—a vertical marathon—but really, I walked into his office about nine minutes late, and he joked that he was worried I had gotten stuck in the elevator. Sitting in his office, I realized that something had to be done about my lack of physical prowess, because eight flights of stairs should not be this much of a traumatizing experience. I've decided to hire a personal trainer, because I can easily let myself off the hook when it comes to my personal goals (we've just identified root cause) but the thought of piking on an appointment and possibly disappointing someone is unbelievably awful inside my head. Thus, I'm going to use my own psychology against myself. I've done the personal trainer route before, by the way, and while it's successful, obviously it doesn't have lasting terms, and I think I find issue with the lack of productivity during the workout. I explained it once to a former trainer: if the machines actually did something, had some result other than under my skin, produced a product or perhaps powered wind turbines, maybe I would feel as though I were accomplishing something. I concocted an elaborate fantasy where the YMCA powered a bread shop and each machine did a different thing. The Stairmasters were attached to giant hooks to knead the dough, the treadmills powered the grid that pulled the bread through industrial ovens generated by the gearheads' effort to lift weights in the muscle room. And then the bread would be given to the poor. A solution that I could get behind! My ass fat could be melted off and I could be making the world a better place. Brilliant! Why has this not happened yet? When I think of my ideal physical activity, of the time when it was awesome just to run around, I get a mental image of a big open gym à la preschool. Giant blocks, colorful obstacle courses, perhaps a giant set of monkey bars. Nothing metal and shiny and looking like they belonged in a modern day Tower of London. I want to have fun, not be pummeled. And perhaps, I'd also like to stop mid-play for a snack of skim milk and animal crackers. But since the Active by Breadmaking idea is not out there and the Adult Romper Room has yet to be conceptualized, I'm coming to you: what can I do this winter that won't bore the heck out of me and will also give me a sense of altruisim but provide a great workout? The comments are dying to hear your suggestions. —Weetabix 15 CommentsLeave a comment |
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The things you mention, Weet, are exactly why I, too, hate exercising in a gym. That's why I prefer outdoor activities, like running, because then you can combine exercise with actually doing something (going somewhere) and spending time in the great outdoors. Seeing as how you live in the land of brutal winters, though, running might not be feasible in the coming months. But maybe you could look into doing something like snowshoeing or cross-country skiing? Extreme snowball fighting?
Here in Liberal Hippie Hoo-Ha Madison, we actually have exactly the sort of gym you're talking about:
http://www.monkeybargym.com/
Come to town! Give it a try! I can't promise you dough hooks, though. Although god knows what those hippies use instead of free weights.
I signed up for an aerobic weights class with a really REALLY hot instructor. It's hard to skip class when the class consists of staring at him.
Not sure about the altruistic part of it, but definitely use your playlists there and download some podcasts (NPR has some fun things).
Besides getting a personal trainer, get someone else to go with you on a trainer (or ask your gym if someone else wants to save some money and go in with you on a trainer). We can do that with swimming classes. Two can get lessons at once and save $$. That way, there's two of you training and two people who would be waiting on you to show up.
You also need a snarky friend to go with you to the gym. My one friend and I would go and do weights and talk about the boys who were doing things like developing their neck muscles and other weird things.
You're clever, you can probably go to the gym and make up stories about your fellow exercisers in your head. There's a lot of materials: weird t-shirt sayings, the women who exercise with full make-up and 4,000 bangles on their wrist, the old men with the weird tattoos and so forth.
But remember the best altruistic reason to go: you.
And, btw, there's a lot of skinny girls at my university who would be panting and wheezing going up 8 flights.
Touche, Lori!
You could train for a breast cancer or other charity walk/run.
Swimming is awesome and can give you that little taste of summer in winter. I also love group activities like kick boxing and step aerobics (though I must admit I haven't participated in any classes for some time). I really love having a personal trainer - it's probably the best decision I've ever made. I may not be losing craploads of weight (because diet? bad.), but I can tell my endurance has improved, I'm stronger, and generally just feel better! That's what being healthy is all about!
And also, I loved your "YMCA as bakery" fantasy! That's just brilliant!
I have a friend who generated all of the energy for his laundry by hooking up a stationary bike to a washing machine. A similar contraption is here: http://www.homelessdave.com/hdwashingman.htm
It's an excellent workout, it saves you money on energy bills, it's green, and it actually uses your exercise to accomplish something. Good luck!
Eight flights is a lot! Sometimes I have to remind myself that even people in good shape get winded from things that require a lot of exertion.
Hee, gretchen! If only Weetabix did not hate doing laundry with a passion!
When I had to go to physical therapy, I was actually surprised at how much the place looked like Romper Room. (And how much of a workout you can get with brightly colored, toy-like things.) I don't know if that is a possibility, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
Also, shop around a lot for a personal trainer and, in addition to making sure they have a relevant degree/certification from a reputable organization*, tell them this stuff. Make them tailor the workout to what you would enjoy doing. For what you will be paying, probably, that's really the least they can do.
* According to the Runner's World website, these are the three most well-regarded certification organizations, in order from most to least rigorous. (There is just so much trendy/misinformed bullshit out there about fitness and nutrition that I wouldn't go to someone who had just been, through, say, the fitness club's trainer program.)
American College of Sports Medicine (317-637-9200, acsm.org/certification/forms/online_locator.asp)
National Strength and Conditioning Association (800-815-6826, nsca-lift.org/cptreferrals
American Council on Exercise (800-825-3636, acefitness.org)
One word:
Boxing.
It. Kicks. Ass. On. Fun.
Walk a dog at the local humane society! It's a great workout - I go for a couple hours every week, and I'm always winded and sore afterwards. It's actually fun in spite of the exercise, though. :) And you'll definitely be doing good; the dogs love the attention, and shelters are always in need of volunteers.
Dodgeball! There are a couple of leagues in my city - one is dedicated to dodgeball, one is called "Urban Rec" and does all kinds of league sports.
Dodgeball is actually a pretty good workout as an adult - the running and bending and throwing are good for the body, and the strategizing is good for the brain!
I just picked up a new workout video called the "Bollywood Dance Workout with Hemalayaa" and tried it this week. One word: FUN! The music is fun, the movements are fun and the instructors' attitude is encouraging and sweet and fun. Plus she's totally gorgeous without being stick thin. It's not far from the leaping and playing I did as a kid. It's FUN!