Baby Jesus Is Crying: Sarah Silverman celebrates the Britney custody decision by twisting the nipples of some poor pap. Hey, just because they don't work doesn't mean that they aren't sensitive! If a guy did that to a female photographer, would it still be as cute?

Why You Shouldn't Let Your Kids Become Child Stars: Brittany Snow has come out about the eating disorder she suffered from during her entire stint on the family hour favorite, American Dreams. She includes detailed descriptions of exactly what she ate to get down to a scary 85 pounds. Hopefully, girls will take that as a cautionary tale and not a tutorial.

Connerie Totale: Our friends at That's Fit have confirmed that French women really do get fat. Come on, did you really think that you can get svelte eating croissants, cream, chocolate and wine? It's like an elaborate joke. They probably also don't get laid nearly as much as they're claiming either.

Words of Wisdom: These size acceptance tips to help parents talk to their chubby kids without judgment are so awesome that we could all take a note about the mean things we sometimes think about our thighs.

Streaky Bacon! Clarissa Dickson-Wright, the surviving half of the beloved British cooking duo Two Fat Ladies can't lose weight because she ruined her adrenal gland drinking too much tonic in her gin. That's why we take our gin straight up.

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