It's Idol Season Again: Don't worry, Randy Jackson, white shirts make everyone look like a drive-in movie theater screen, even despite the red shoe distraction. Stick with stripeys next time.

Cake With Extra Judgment: What the fuck is this? Fat stick people eat a lot of cake! And are named Mildred! We did not know this and are in awe of the need for a pan to create automatic portion control. Why didn't they also put reverse letters to brand "Lard Ass" into the thick pieces?

Lip Service: Who knew so many chicks are getting surgical tune-ups under their hood?

What Would Spongebob Do? Kid's network Nickelodeon will be going dark for three hours on Saturday morning, hoping that kids use that time to go outside and play. Assuming that they don't just crank up the Xbox or flip over to Noggin or the Disney channel, are we really relying on a cable network to parent our kids?

Double Bacon Cheesebacon: Good thing that talking about bacon isn't as bad for you as eating it, or we'd clearly be dead.

Just One Calorie Paradox: There may be a clue as to why diet soda makes you gain weight may be solved. Apparently your tongue is not the only thing that knows what things taste like. Wicked clever, lower intestine.

Butt Seriously: Are badonka donks really back in style? Coco says yes! Slate says not so much.

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