It's Britney, Bitch: We know that it's easy to make fun of the Spears, but can you imagine gaining 10 pounds (or 5, or 40) and seeing an extraordinarily horrible picture of you plastered on the cover of a magazine? This blog thinks that Britney couldn't possibly weigh 160 pounds. Oh, so we guess that's okay to speculate about her weight, then, if it's not accurate.

Electronic Surveillance: Check out these shopping carts that turn into the diet police when you try to buy a pack of Oreos. We might accidentally push one into oncoming traffic. Because sometimes, in busy parking lots, things happen.

Yet He Married a European: The fact that Michael Douglas lives in constant fear of seeing women's armpit hair makes us very happy. (P.S. Guess who didn't shave our pits this morning?)

Speaking of Men's Beauty Expectations: Do guys have a right to get pissed off if their wife gains weight? (Thanks Poppy.)

Taking a Page From Pixar: Warner Brothers studio heads have issued an edict that they will no longer be making movies with females in the lead, which means films like Secretary, Erin Brockovich, Gone With the Wind, Kill Bill Vols. 1 & 2, Alien, Amelie, Silence of the Lambs, and To Kill a Mockingbird were all just giant wastes of time. Well, The Devil Wears Prada and Resident Evil probably were.

Goonies Two, Electric Boogaloo: Is it too much to hope Chunk became a wealthy entrepreneur who married the cheerleader? And adopted Sloth?

Egg Strategy: Strippers who are ovulating get more dollar bills in their G-strings. Is it crass to suggest that you ask your male boss for a raise the next time you're mid-cycle?

105,000 Calories: Ever wonder how to get the most calories for your food dollar? Wonder no more, because there's Bucket O'Lard!