I don't think it is good to always tell hard, cold truth. If the only thing telling the truth will do is hurt someone, it's just mean and unnecessary. I do believe in telling the truth about big things or things that are important to you, obviously, but at the same time just saying hurtful things because they are the "truth" is kind of a copout too.

There is nothing I hate more than people who cut other people down or say trully hurtful things about stuff people can't really control and justify their cruelty and bitchiness by saying "I'm not bitchy, I'm just truthful." Honestly, you aren't truthful, you are tactless and mean. If you really do want to let someone know something, as your friend has learned, there is almost always a way to convey the necessary idea while still being kind and positive. Like "You're too fat for that dress." is just mean. "That dress really isn't cut well, your other pink one is much prettier," says the same thing but is kind. Maybe you do look fat, but there's no need to hurt your feelings by phrasing it like that because it's mean and unproductive.

There are little white lies that we tell to keep society's wheels moving and to spare feelings. There is nothing wrong with this. If you have ever told someone things were "fine" when they weren't simply because you just didn't want to get into it at that moment or because it isn't the other person's business has demonstrated that fact. We don't need to know everything about everyone all the time.

Every virtue taken to an extreme becomes a vice. Honesty, normatively a beautiful virtue, when employed indiscriminately becomes cruelty. And, yes, an excuse to be an asshole. And, most times, a passive-aggressive asshole at that. What? I was only being honest.

There's nothing wrong with the kind of graceful sidestepping your friend employs and most people don't want to hear the truth anyway, quite frankly.

And whatever happened to if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

I'm going to have to agree with the women above me and feel like I'm more qualifed to agree because I am this too-honest person. In my youth (she says like she isn't still young,) I believed in telling the truth, the whole truth because I had been lied to and hurt in the past and I wasn't having it in any part of my life any longer. But I've realized in this whole thing we call growing up, that some things are more important than truth, like love and relationships and friendships. During college I had to figure out how to still be me and be honest and blunt, (it's what my friends say they love most about me,) but be able to still have a soul and a heart. I'm definitely awkward with compliments, giving and receiving, but I've found a way to inject some "the crust is really good" into the "onions and berries do not mix you silly girl." It's a hard balance but you have to be committed to both sides. I wouldn't live any other way than being brutally honest, but I still want to have friends!

Also, I've been blessed with a boyfriend who totally gets the "how do i look" thing. It's amazing. Men should take lessons from him, especially men paired up with some us bigger women. I don't know how he does it, but he manages to comment nicely about the fashion, how it fits, and if it's worth the price. And if I think it's too expensive, but it's fabulous he insists that I get it on his dime. Okay, now I'm just bragging, sorry. I should have him write down his ways so we can share them and circulate them to the men we love.

Reading this post, I note that you associate one behavior with the words "friend", "strategically", and "diplomatic".

The other you associate with the word "asshole".

I say trust your instincts.

You're pretty!

And I am known for being "pathologically honest," so there you go.

My boyfriend, god bless him, is an expert at turning the question into "how will I feel in this?" So when I asked him recently whether a shirt was too tight, he said "it's tighter than your shirts usually are, and sometimes it upsets you if you want to wear a shirt and it's tighter than you want it to be." This was brilliant, because it made me think about how I felt about how I looked ("if I put on this shirt, will I have a little tantrum because it's so tight?") and not how HE felt about how I looked.

As for honesty in other matters, I've been struggling with this myself; maybe I'll ask the Blondes. I've got a lot of friends who are performers, and most of them are great, and some of them are awful. When I see a person being shamefully bad at what they do in public, I always think "their friends should TELL them," but I have absolutely never told my friends who are bad that they stink. I never have and never would lie outright, but I don't say "listen, I need to tell you something about your guitar playing." On the whole I'm a fan of constructive criticism, and I'm pretty good at telling people what works and what doesn't without being insulting (or at least I think I'm good at it, because nobody's told me I'm bad at it, ha ha). But sometimes people just need to STOP playing guitar or making tartlets or whatever, and that is a tough-ass thing to approach.

I'd bet some money Dr. Blanton is one of those that was "just being honest." Bya.

You all have goooood, strategic guys. I never ask the question because
1) they so profess to hate it and
2) it really comes down to what I think if I'm going to train myself to trust my own taste.

Although I am not above grinding the personal shoppers at the 3Bs here in NYC like they were at an inquisition over the right shades, cuts, and fabrics for myself so I can minimize the possibility of appearing as dorklike as I truly am. And I still wonder daily how the French girls do it, with three wrap blouses, one navy and one taupe pair of pants, and a damn scarf.

But those who look smashing - and KNOW they look smashing - and who ask because they are relentlessly fishing for compliments? There's a possibility that what they think is a worm on that fish hook may turn out to be a snake that day and bite them.

I'm just sayin'.