We don't know about you, but we don't do much labor on Labor Day weekend, unless it involves turning over our kebabs on the grill. Just the same, if you're looking to spend those extra free hours on a long, luxurious stroll through your neighborhood or hit the ellipticals when all of the Spandex bunnies are out on their boyfriend Tad's yacht, here's a quirky Labor-centric playlist to kick up your weekend!

You guys are playing hardball with us. Clearly it's difficult to throw you off your game. So maybe we need more players on the field. Players wearing surgical scrubs!

• The cast of House
• The cast of ER
• The cast of Grey's Anatomy

The rules are still the same, one to Marry, one to Kill and one to Fuck. It's a package deal, though, so weigh the pluses and minuses carefully!

Did I tell you I quit smoking? I quit smoking. And not just for health, or well-being, or because I am morally superior, though of course I totally am, but because San Francisco is not a safe place to be a smoker.

I should have kept that in mind. The last time I quit smoking, it was because of this very fact; I had been scared out of it. Very, very scared out of it.

Because, walking down Market Street, I pulled out my little thing of menthols, and was rushed by 50 strangers--street kids, the homeless, business men with wild looks in their eyes. Over and over, "Can I get one of those?" And I said, "Sure!" because I always say sure. If you see me on the street and want a cigarette, do not hesitate. I am what they call a "sucker."

And then I added, "But it's menthol!" and half of the pack dropped back. But the other half pressed on. So I handed out little cancer sticks, and all was well with the world. And the crowd dissipated, and I sat down for a moment on one of those little granite blocks next to the street--which I assume are for seating, but may just be eclectic street art, San Francisco-style--to fish through my bag for my lighter.

And across the street launched a woman with a sweater on her head. She banged into my legs and leaned down and yelled into my face, "GA BAH GOO FA NAY!" She wheeled her arms in the air and glared at me.

So, MSN Men has a list of 15 women they've determined are the sexiest women over 35. So, my problem is two-fold. First, what's up with the 35 thing? Why 35? Is it exceptional somehow? Is it the tipping point into unsexiness? Are these women somehow defying that chasm filled with Depends undergarments and false teeth? WTF, MSN? W. T. F! Here's the breakdown:

• Jada Pinkett Smith, 35
• Giada De Laurentiis, 36
• Queen Raina of Jordan, 36
• Gwen Stefani, 37
• Lucy Liu, 38
• Naomi Watts, 38
• Cate Blanchett, 38
• Maria Bello, 40
• Liz Phair, 40
• Salma Hayek, 40
• Halle Barry, 40
• Liz Hurley, 41
• Monica Bellucci, 42
• Diane Lane, 42
• Elle MacPherson, 44

Do you see anything wrong with this list, this all-encompassing list of the best of everyone above the random MSN-determined point of an exceptional age of 35? Yeah, I see it too.

In last week's comments, Lisa Marie requested that we give her some inspiration for her bumper crop of cucumbers, so this week's Stuff Other People Are Eating is dedicated to the porniest of all vegetables.

Kappa Maki is the Japanese way to sneak in some cucumbers (and as long as you're at it, a little Tekka for protein wouldn't hurt either).  Also, cucumber is the hottest addition to the hoitiest of cocktails. The Barefoot Kitchen Witch's chilled cucumber soup is souper fancy! Ha! See what we did there? Huh? Oh never mind.

We aren't sure where Maharashtra is but this non-sweet panaki filled with cucumbers looks absolutely divine and definitely will keep your interest during garden overload season.

We'll bet that your grandmother used to make something very similar to Scotty and Erin's favorite cucumber recipe. Ours did too. But if that's too retro for you, this seaweed version brings just enough sass to the table to keep your hipster cred.

Speaking of grandmothers, pickling used to be all the rage during the Depression era, but families with two working parents has meant fewer of these domestic tasks are getting handed down from generation to generation. This step-by-step guide to make your own pickles looks so easy, even we might be able to get the hang of it. Might!

When it comes down to cukes, though, we think that quick wins out over all, which means that Lisa's whip it and kick it version of a cucumber tomato salad is first and foremost in our hearts.

The Geary bus is the one that takes a straight shot all the way down the more-or-less center of the north side of the city, along one of the more major boulevards that cuts the full length across. This is the bus I am on most frequently, and the bus I am, therefore, most fond of. I have a tendency to grow fond of streets I am on often, and buses I take.

The 38 is not an easy bus to love, though. In the morning, it is filled with small gangsta children of all stripes. In the afternoons, the elderly on their way to Kaiser Permanente, and some of the elderly, they smell like they are elderly, but they talk like they are pro-wrestlers, and when you try to offer them your seat, it is as if you just said something unflattering about their mothers.

A Glimpse Behind the Curtain: Nothing makes us feel better about the microscopic zit on our noses than looking at pictures of people who look stunning on the red carpet but look really boring and normal without all of the make up and styling. Julianne Moore is still gorgeous, though, even without the Maybelline.

Now THAT shit's fierce! Model Coco Rocha could clearly kick our asses. Without using her hands. Definitely must see video, and somehow we doubt she's living on lettuce and a single slender green bean.

Good Bye Clearisil: We've all heard about the health benefits of a low glycemic load nutrition plan but who knew that it could also give you the radiant zit-free skin normally only found on Dove commercials? Wonder if it's too late to start the anti-carb loading for this weekend?

Who Are You Calling Fat? It may not be healthy, but we definitely want our last meal to be something described as "fatass comfort food."

Want a Lollipop, Little Girl? We suspect these pictures of Kiera Knightley are just a very good optical illusion and that she doesn't look like a bobble head doll in real life. Also, we probably need to buy that dress she's wearing. Or, you know, four of them to stitch together.

Photo credit: Splash

The New Yorker has just sent out it's yearly food issue. Sadly, the pages still are not made of taffy.

The September issue of InStyle has hit the stands, with our girlfriend Gwen Stefani on the cover. Wear a truss if you pick this one up: it's enormous! And this month's Vogue with Sienna Miller on the cover is their fattest version ever!

Sarah's girl crush Jessica Simpson reveals in this month's Self that she's not going to let the tabloids steal her sunshine anymore. There's probably nothing she can do if they steal her parking spot, though. Bastards.

Living gives tips on, appropriately enough, how to go on living for 100 years. Sadly, "Eat Bacon Every Day" is not on the list.

Domino's de-clutter guide for bathrooms will inspire you to do some defunkifying in your medicine cabinet. Do you really need pre-Millenial Monistat? Probably not.

Do you want to become a crazy old lady with 27 cats? No? Bitch Magazine has your back and examines the reason why women like to collect things and what to do if it's 2 a.m. and we're on eBay about to start bidding on 400 Precious Moments figurines.

You know the shock and awe you have when a hot friend reveals that she actually weighs 155 pounds and you always assumed that she was in the area of 110? It's hard to have perspective about our own weights when everyone's weight is shrouded in mystery. Check out this photographic weight/height chart and see how normal everyone looks, even those at the cultural punchline of 200 pounds. And then forgive yourself when the scale doesn't match your perception of the world.

Mirtika points out that she doesn't need a Hannibal Lecter mask to lose five pounds, she can do it on her own, thank you very much.

Shauna joins Christy Turlington and Ziggy Marley in bringing about world peace. No, really. Yoga is Shauna's anti-drug.

Chris is getting introspective about critical behavioral changes that affect long-term weight loss, while Practice Living is making goals. Want help with goals? Check out this!

Renee talks about feeling ready to give up her weight-loss efforts. Man, who hasn't been there?  She seems to be bouncing back. Rock on, Renee! We believe in you!