Eye Spy: Not even Penelope Cruz's eyelashes are good enough for Madison Avenue. Ironically, her natural ones weren't fat enough.

Spreading Like Herpes: Should we promise that we're wearing a full body condom right now? (As usual, Kate's already crafted a great response).

Exactly Which Kind of Rehab Do You Mean? We're starting to think that Amy Winehouse's hair is just normal size while the rest of her makes the Olsen twins look beefy.

BFSkinny: It's sort of touching that J.Lo and Marc Anthony are going to donate $1 for every ticket sold during their upcoming tour to help fight childhood obesity, but at the same time, how exactly? We hear negative reinforcement works. We'd bet that if the Cryptkeeper Marc Anthony chased us around a track, we'd probably shed some ass fat very fast.

Magic Beans: Treat your fat like a wart and dissolve that shit away! Um, we'll pass.

Those Hips Don't Lie: It's probably wrong that we love Boy Shakira as much as we do, but when he comes out as Boy Britney? How can you not applaud him for having the balls? Wherever he put them. (PS. We fully agree.)

Photo Credit:  Lester Cohen/Wire Image