The Kiera Knightley that Ate Cleveland: Sienna Miller, self-proclaimed Kiera BFF, says that Kiera eats "like a pig." Wow, Sienna, way to stick up for your friend, but do we sense some passive-aggressive bitterness there? Are you, like us, still jealous that she got to chew on the lips of both Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp dressed up as a pirate?

More Diet Water: If you want to throw away your money, give it to us, instead of these crazy products that promise weight loss. Exercise and healthy choices, folks. No magic potions required.

Uma's Smart Bikini: We actually like Uma's latest bikini, oddly enough, although we'd have to get it in a different color, since white is not flattering against our fishbelly pale thighs. Note to haters: The woman has a great natural body. Have we forgotten what that looks like?

Christina Aguilera's Bun in the Oven Starbucks Bag: Did you know that you can get pregnant just by carrying a Starbucks scone or crossing your arms over your stomach? Why were we not told this in health class?

Check Out that Fat Ass: Body fat monitors are the latest thing, and supposedly so much better than those salad tongs that the personal trainers use to pinch your granny wings, but like anything electronic, some of these pricey devices are just expensive pieces of shit. Do some homework before you buy!

Photo Credit:  Leonard Cohen/Wire Image