Ok, I'll admit it: a very disturbing amount of my daily nutrients are delivered through a Starbucks drive through window. I pretty much need a mocha in the morning to get me going. Well, need is a strong word, but part of the glory of getting to my thirtymumble years is getting to decide that yes, caffeine is as much a part of my life as paying the bills on time and going to work each day. And most mornings, if I haven't sliced and diced a pretty fruit concoction or swirled up some fake egg stuff in the microwave to make what some people call "an omelet" (but which I called "astronaut's breakfast" because the resulting disk of egg product and cheese in no way resembles an omelet and if I think of a real omelet and then fork that shit into my mouth, it makes me want to die inside, just a little bit), then when I hit the Bux, in a moment of weakness, I'll opt for some kind of glucose-fueled short term energy to get me through the immediate morning crunch and then I can forage for something more substantial later.

However, Starbucks knows my circadian rhythms probably better than I do, and unveiled their new Reduced Fat Orange Creme coffeecake on the very day that the warm spring days were making me nostalgic for my childhood summers spent at the neighborhood swimming pool which always ended with a stop at the snack counter for an orange Creamsicle. They had me at a weak moment. I caved.

The nice thing about the seasonal selections is that they are usually pretty fresh, and this coffeecake was damned near moist. Or soggy, perhaps. I've been told that they are delivered frozen, so my piece may have not entirely thawed. However, it worked in its favor as the moistness faked me out and I had a hard time believing that it was reduced fat anything. In fact, with two really yummy ribbons of cream cheese, it felt downright decadent. In the orange part of the equation, however, the coffeecake falls flat. There is a minor citrus note to the cake, but it's not really discernible or, honestly, anything at all over the coffee that you're undoubtedly mainlining. In fact, the only clue that the cake was supposed to be orange were the little bits of orange zest on the crumb topping.

If we step out of denial for just a moment, there is very little in the pastry case at Starbucks that is an important part of anyone's nutritious breakfast, and sadly, most of the time what's in the pastry case isn't even very good. Who knows how long that stuff has been sitting there, and almost every time I cave and get my beloved Toffee Almond Bar, I end up with the dreaded corner piece, which contains only the merest suggestion of Toffee and zilch in the Almond department. What gives, Starbucks baristas? Are you keeping those heavy dense middle squares all for yourselves? Show your daily clients some love, huh? Wither, baristas? Wither?

Many reduced fat products don't provide any real calorie savings over their high-fat counterparts, since they need extra sugar and whatnot to make the thing taste edible. This reduced fat Orange Creme coffee cake has exactly the same number of calories (320) as Starbucks' standard blueberry muffin and--get this--the reduced fat coffee cake has more fat than the blueberry muffin. I shit you not. In fact, it's only 80 calories less than my beloved Toffee Almond Bar, which, quite honestly, is the nutritional equivalent of saving the two bucks and just ordering 29 packets of sugar to go with my mocha.

Verdict: Meh, pass. Not enough flavor to justify the calories and if you're really in the mood for something sweet, just chuck the expectations and get the full blown yummer rather than a pale substitution. Or go to an actual bakery where they made something fresh that day rather defrosting something that came from corporate on a truck last week.