Do you know what whey is? Everyone's heard of Miss Muffet eating whey with her curds, but do you really know what it is? It's the watery liquid that's left over during the cheese-making process, when the fat and protein solids form the curds (hence, curds and whey, which essentially was just a bowl of cottage cheese).

Let's get one things straight right here: the Detour Deluxe Whey Protein Energy Bar is not your mom's protein bar. In fact, this protein bar would be more comfortable being eaten en route to Muscle Beach rather than stashed in a purse for a snack while the kids are at soccer practice. It's red. It's shiny. It's in your face. It's so testosterone-laden that it practically has a five o'clock shadow.

Two things appealled to me, however, making me venture away from my comfort zone in the protein bar arena. The bar offers lower sugar and one of my biggest qualms about most protein bars is the ridiculous amount of sugar in them. Some energy bars are so packed with sugar that they might as well be a Snickers for all the empty carbs. But this guy? 30 grams of carbs and 30 grams of protein. 30 grams! That's like, a whole shitload of protein. Pretty impressive balance. The other plus: It claims that the whey used in the bar is designer. I have no idea what that means, but the socialite in me thinks, "Ooooooh... designer!" and I'm in. Really, I think the "designer" element is only their justification for charging an outrageous $2.79 for one protein bar, but apparently the claim refers to a brand of whey, not the fact that it has received benediction from the house of Versace. I am stupid sometimes.

Inside that masculine wrapper, the bar looks disturbingly like a candy bar, only heavy. Like a brick. A brick of designer energy, baby! The protein bar, if it could talk, would sound like Randy Macho Man Savage. It's large. It's in charge. It will kick your ass with all of the protein. Cchyah, boy.

The chocolate coating was tasty, a little smooth and creamy, the kind that melts in your mouth. However, the solid brick of "creamy peanut butter" under the chocolate? Blech. The first tasting notes were all texture and density. The stuff has the consistency of semi-hard spackling compound. I'm not opposed to suffering some spackling compound for my protein, really, but the problem was the aftertaste. It starts out a bit chemically and ends with the feeling that you've just eaten a ream of looseleaf paper.  You know the shitty taste in your mouth after eating a Viactiv? Like that, only times 12.

I would say that this is definitely preferrable to the be Powered protein bar earlier this week, in that I made it halfway through the bar before declaring no mas. I guess if I were stuck on a deserted island, I would pick the Detour bar as a staple item, since it looks so good on paper. However, as a tasty morning treat? The muscle boys may call this thing a "candy bar" but I'll pass in favor of something tastier. Like a bowl of actual curds and whey. --Weetabix