If I could eat whatever I wanted, my food intake would essentially be carbs, carbs, more carbs, some carby protein, some carbs with fat on them, bacon and then more carbs. I would craft a house of a gigantic freshly baked French boule and whenever I got hungry, I would slather the walls with jam and then work on making a new window. My bed would be an enormous stack of fluffy pancakes and I would rest my head on a puff of cotton candy. And I would weigh approximately 8,000 pounds.

Currently, I eat a modified South Beach food plan, which is doing what it is supposed to be doing, only my breakfast routine is hampered, as I am no longer able to snack on handfuls of granulated sugar, as we've discussed before.

The refrigerator is the last thing I see before dashing out the door, and sitting right on the top shelf is a little bowl of wax-covered Laughing Cow Babybels, mini Goudas and mild Cheddars. They are marketed as "perfect snacks to grab when you're on the go," but I find that two 'bels for breakfast leaves my tummy pretty happy, and I don't even wonder, "Where's the fucking cracker?" when I'm noshing on a wedge. Each waxy parcel holds 5 or 6 grams of protein with zero carbs, so I can indulge in my morning Starbucks mocha without worrying about spiking an insulin reaction or whatever the science is behind South Beach's magic. The Light Babybels have only 3 grams of fat and 50 calories, but really, at 70 calories and 5 or 6 grams for the high octane version, unless you're watching your calories and fat to the letter, the extra indulgence isn't enough to worry about. Really, just leave a sip of Red Bull in the bottom of the can and you've made up the difference. 

As an added bonus, if you're a crafty type of person, I bet you could come up with some really clever way to reuse the little wax carapace that is left after you have eaten the cheesy goodness. In fact, a super crafty person might come up with a little wax bust of their boss, cast in red and orange that gives off a vague cheese funk (just like said boss). I am not that person but I invite you to post pictures of said creations in the comments section!